Thrust into the great American Southwest life faced me with a road fraught between the challenges created by emergent social expectations on the one hand and the successive phases of my personal development on the other hand. My path was marked with breathtaking natural wonders, astonishing friends and inspiring experience and rich opportunity. The cumulative deficits of failures to obtain necessary shares of such virtues at each successsive stage made it tough to adequately perform at common standards of success. Alcohol became the substitute to provide escape and a sense of "feel good." At the brink of my dark abyss of self-destruction and despair groups of sober allies lifted me up. From whence unknown my tiny being alighted aside Cleopatra Hill in the United Verde Hospital amid the raucous and roaring copper mining souls of Jerome, Arizona. Doting females infused deep trust and hope that was essential later to sail through dark clouds of anger and abuse. Independence, wealth, romance and determination were discovered in Albuquerque. Fidelity and competence were captured on the football fields of the Winslow Bulldogs. Leadership and sportsmanship were bestowed by long time Flagstaff buddies. Strong identification with the life of Father Damien of the leper colony of Molokai flowered which led to the quest to become a Catholic priest. Leaving a religious vocation positioned me as ripe for romance and commitment. I suffered a Gatsby romance and ultimately partnered with an idyllic movie star look-alike, married her and fathered four children. I committed to become a teacher instructing elementary children, administering a large school and attaining advanced professional status as a university lab school demonstration teacher. I was catapulted out of Arizona to the University of Illinois doctorate program, a Rubicon crossing and total change of life-exhilarating, prolific, yet leading ultimately to disaster and demoralization. Tours of duty at three major universities afforded the opportunity to share and implement long held skills and values about education-good motives but faulted delivery. Finding 'no home' again in native Arizona State pushed me to Purdue, the streets of Gary, Indiana and my commitment to social change and civil rights. The wide-open opportunities and pressures accelerated to such a degree that alcohol was required as a substitute for feeling and action. Life became a downward spiral into a black abyss of 'pitiful and unbelievable demoralization.' The flight back to Arizona ended in a crash dive into another jail cell. Angels of sobriety appeared and pulled me back from the edge of catastrophe. Cleared of paralyzing dysfunction I pledged service to Navajo Nation. I witnessed the creation of hundreds of Navajo teachers and a group of school administrators. I played the unwanted role as prosecutor to remove the president of Navajo Community College. Refugee from a cancelled election I assisted the administrative capture of the first Apache controlled school. Then, I worked as a sheep dog for Kayenta in the establishment of the first autonomous Township within a Native American community- awarded high honors by Harvard. The magic carpet of 'Dances with Wolves' days lifted me up and through major challenges. Time came for contemplating my accomplishments and developing a sense of integrity for having a successful life. Noting my gifts of achievements has led to the acquisition of the virtue of wisdom. Onset of wisdom enables me to look back on my life with a sense of closure and completeness, and acceptance death without fear. It is a time of releasing the loss of existing relationships and reuniting with former acquaintances. The demons of terror, shame, rage and loneliness that had chased my spirit down roads and over passages had vanished. Joy, peace and freedom became irreplaceably bound to my being. Happiness of the soul was lifted above all circumstances and remains inside my personal Shangri-La
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