Almost all of us know someone with cancer. And, of course, we want nothing more than to offer comfort and support, and foster hope. But we don't always know how-and may feel uncomfortable asking. Following her own treatment for cancer, Lori Hope created a survey for cancer survivors addressing issues they wanted their families, friends, and caregivers to understand. The results of the newly expanded survey are presented with honesty, insight, and humor, and complemented by scores of compelling personal stories from survivors of diverse ages and backgrounds. If you are a caregiver, Help Me Live…mehr
Almost all of us know someone with cancer. And, of course, we want nothing more than to offer comfort and support, and foster hope. But we don't always know how-and may feel uncomfortable asking. Following her own treatment for cancer, Lori Hope created a survey for cancer survivors addressing issues they wanted their families, friends, and caregivers to understand. The results of the newly expanded survey are presented with honesty, insight, and humor, and complemented by scores of compelling personal stories from survivors of diverse ages and backgrounds. If you are a caregiver, Help Me Live will help you communicate more effectively and respond more compassionately. And if you are a survivor, it will help you feel validated, empowered, and, ultimately, hopeful.
Lori Hope is a journalist, Emmy-winning documentary filmmaker, and speaker. A tireless advocate for those struggling with the social and interpersonal challenges that come with cancer, she has served on the board of the Bonnie J. Addario Lung Cancer Foundation, has volunteered for The Lung Cancer Alliance and the National Lung Cancer Partnership, and has spoken before the American Cancer Society, the Oncology Nursing Society, and Tulane Medical School. Her commitment to cancer survivors will continue until this book is no longer needed. Visit www.lorihope.com.
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Foreword by Rachel Naomi Remen, MD — xi
Preface to the Revised Edition — 1
Introduction — 7
Part I: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know
1. “It’s okay to say or do the ‘wrong’ thing.” — 15
2. “I need to know you’re here for me, but if you can’t be, you can still show you care.” — 23
3. “I like to hear success stories, not horror stories.” — 30
4. “I am terrified and need to know you’ll forgive me if I snap at you or bite your head off.” — 37
5. “I need you to listen to me and let me cry.” — 44
6. “Asking my permission can spare me pain.” — 55
7. “I need to laugh—or just forget about cancer for a while!” — 63
8. “I need to feel hope, but telling me to think positively can make me feel worse.” — 72
9. “I want you to respect my judgment and treatment decisions.” — 87
10.“I want you to give me an opening to talk about cancer, and then take my lead.” — 97
11. “I want compassion, not pity.” — 101
12. “Advice may not be what I need, and it can hurt more than help. Try comforting me instead.” — 108
13. “I am still me; treat me kindly, not differently.” — 115
14. “If you really want to help me, be specific about your offer, or just help without asking.” — 121
15. “I love being held in your thoughts or prayers.” — 127
16. “Hearing platitudes or what’s good about cancer can minimize my feelings.” — 133
17. “I don’t know why I got cancer, and hearing your theory may add grave insult to injury.” — 139
18. “Don’t take it personally if I don’t return your call or want to see you.” — 144
19. “I need you to offer support to my caregiver, because that helps me, too.” — 151
20. “I don’t know if I’m cured, and bringing up my health can bring me down.” — 159
And one more thing . . .
21. “I am more grateful than I can say for your care, compassion, and support.” — 165
Part II: A Quick Guide to Cancerquette
22. The 2010/2011 Survey — 171
23. Different Kinds of Cancer — 190
24. Cancer through the Stages — 195
25. Cancer in Different Circumstances — 204
26. Cancer at Different Ages — 209
27. She Wants/He Wants: Cancer and Gender — 225
28. Cancer and Cultural Background — 234
29. Other Situations, Complications, and Conditions — 239
30. The Lists: Do’s, Don’ts, Tools, and Treasures — 244
31. How to Listen — 256
32. The Cheat Sheet — 258
33. For Survivors: Hoping and Coping in a World of Uncertainty — 260
