Everett L. Worthington Jr., Jennifer S. Ripley
Hope, Forgiveness, and Positive Psychology in Couple Therapy
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Everett L. Worthington Jr., Jennifer S. Ripley
Hope, Forgiveness, and Positive Psychology in Couple Therapy
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This practical book provides a guide for therapists who want to be more effective in couple therapy. With 125 boxed interventions explained within a patient-friendly framework emphasizing hope and a strategy for change, this resource can expand the flexibility of any therapist regardless of theoretical approach.
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This practical book provides a guide for therapists who want to be more effective in couple therapy. With 125 boxed interventions explained within a patient-friendly framework emphasizing hope and a strategy for change, this resource can expand the flexibility of any therapist regardless of theoretical approach.
Produktdetails
- Produktdetails
- Verlag: Taylor & Francis Ltd
- Seitenzahl: 300
- Erscheinungstermin: 30. September 2024
- Englisch
- Abmessung: 229mm x 152mm
- ISBN-13: 9780367443825
- ISBN-10: 0367443821
- Artikelnr.: 70362359
- Verlag: Taylor & Francis Ltd
- Seitenzahl: 300
- Erscheinungstermin: 30. September 2024
- Englisch
- Abmessung: 229mm x 152mm
- ISBN-13: 9780367443825
- ISBN-10: 0367443821
- Artikelnr.: 70362359
Everett L. Worthington, Jr., Ph.D., is Commonwealth Professor Emeritus at Virginia Commonwealth University and licensed Clinical Psychologist in Virginia. He also holds a Faculty Affiliate appointment at the Institute for Quantitative Social Sciences, Faculty of Arts and Sciences, Harvard University (Human Flourishing Program). Jennifer S. Ripley, Ph.D., is the Hughes Chair and Professor at Regent University and a licensed Clinical Psychologist in Virginia.
CHAPTER 1 ADMITTING TO THE FRAGILITY OF COUPLE THERAPY: HOLD ONTO HOPE
PART 1 FRAMING INTERVENTIONS
CHAPTER 2 INTRODUCING THE THEORY: USE FIVE STEPS IN OPERATION HOPE
Figure 2-1: Operation Hope: The Grand Strategy for the Hope-Focused Couple
Approach.
Intervention 2-1: Ten Techniques of the HFCA
CHAPTER 3 PROMOTING HOPE: UNCOVER DIFFERENT KINDS OF HOPE
CHAPTER 4 EMPLOY STRATEGIES FOR LOVE: HELP COUPLES DO THE WORK AND KEEP THE
FAITH
Intervention 4-1: Education about Couple Therapy
Intervention 4-2: Get This Across-In Couple Therapy, Work Is Essential
Intervention 4-3: You Just Have to Do a Week of Work
Intervention 4-4: Great Homework Interventions
Intervention 4-5: Reflective Processing Worksheet
Intervention 4-6: Love that Values the Partner in Action
CHAPTER 5 USING THE THERAPY TECHNIQUES: MAKE CHANGE SENSIBLE
Intervention 5-1: How to Do Sensible Scaling with a Couple
CHAPTER 6 STRENGTHING THE EMOTIONAL BOND: FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MAKES
COUPLES SATISFIED AND STABLE
Figure 6-1: Practical Recipe of Actions to Build Intimacy
Intervention 6-1: CLEAVE to Bond
Intervention 6-2: Tell Me a Secret-Share Your Dreams
Intervention 6-3: Attend to the Emotional Cues
CHAPTER 7 APPLYING PRINCIPLES OF COUPLE THERAPY: FIND THE ESSENCE OF
HELPING COUPLES CHANGE
PART 2 INTERACTING HOPEFULLY
CHAPTER 8 BUILDING HOPE WITH HOPE: HANDLING OUR PROBLEMS EFFECTIVELY
Intervention 8-1: The Alligator Intervention (Or How to Respond When Your
Partner Snaps)
CHAPTER 9 UNDERSTANDING THE COUPLE'S PROBLEMS AND GOALS: USE ASSESSMENT
EFFICIENTLY
Figure 9-1: The Couple Improvement Plan
Table 9-1: Questionnaires and Scales for Clinical Assessment of Couples
Intervention 9-1: Educate Couples about Preferences
Intervention 9-2: Pre-Meeting Assessment Questionnaires
Intervention 9-3: The Dyadic Interview 10 Questions
Intervention 9-4: Assigning Homework and the Couple Improvement Plan
Worksheet
Intervention 9-5: Detect Red Flags
CHAPTER 10 PROVIDING FEEDBACK TO THE COUPLE: ENGAGE COUPLES IN PLANNING
THEIR TREATMENT
Figure 10-1: Graphic Display of Carl and Sarah's Ratings of Elements of
Their Relationship
Intervention 10-1: The Assessment Report
Intervention 10-2: Feedback Report Example
Intervention 10-3: Example Treatment Plan for Couple Therapy
CHAPTER 11 SETTING UP ROUTINE OUTCOME MONITORING: PUT ASSESSMENT TO WORK
Figure 11-1: H-ROM Questionnaire
Figure 11-2: Display of ROM Results for Each Partner
Intervention 11-1: Routine Outcome Monitoring (ROM) Assessment
CHAPTER 12 USING COUPLE THERAPY METHODS FOR HOPE: INSTILL HOPE FOR THE
HOLY, HURTING, AND HEALTHY
Figure 12-1: Pain-Defense-Offense Pattern (adapted from Sells & Yarhouse,
2011)
Intervention 12-1: The Video Review
Intervention 12-2: Stopping Negative Reciprocity
CHAPTER 13 HELPING RESOLVE CONFLICTS: FIND MUTUAL INTERESTS BENEATH SURFACE
FIGHTS
Figure 13-1: Couple Conflict: Process and Intervention
Figure 13-2: The LOVE Acronym
Intervention 13-1: LOVE-Three Interventions in One
Intervention 13-2: Five-Minute Date
Intervention 13-3: Simple Listen and Repeat, Warmly
Intervention 13-4: Time Out
Intervention 13-5: Expressing Valuing Love
Intervention 13-6: Experiencing and Expressing Gratitude
Intervention 13-7: Doubt Your Doubt
Intervention 13-8: Diffusing a Power Struggle by Setting up a Win-Win and
Inviting Partners to Honor Each Other's Valued Choices
Intervention 13-9: Values Card Sort
Intervention 13-10: Process the Conflict
Intervention 13-11: Begin a Hard Discussion with a Soft Start-Up
Intervention 13-12: Slimy Pit Demonstration
CHAPTER 14 PROMOTING BETTER COMMUNICATION: FACILITATE WHAT THEY ALREADY
KNOW
Figure 14-1: Practice Affirming and Active Responding Instead of
Discounting and Disengaging
Intervention 14-1: Love Bank
Intervention 14-2: Love Bank Spin-Offs
Intervention 14-3: Making Affirming Active Responses Using the
Speaker-Listener Technique
Intervention 14-4: Leveling and Editing
Intervention 14-5: Love Busters
Intervention 14-6: TANGO and TANGO-E
Intervention 14-7: A Coke and a Smile
PART 3 BONDING
CHAPTER 15 REVEALING THE SECRET TO A HAPPY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: HELP
BUILD A MORE INTIMATE EMOTIONAL BOND
Figure 15-1: Sternberg's Eight Types of Love Derived from Being High or Low
in Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment
Figure 15-2: Intimacy Thermometers (Ripley & Worthington, 2014)
Intervention 15-1: Plot the Couple's Sternberg Love-Triangle History
Intervention 15-2: Conceptualization of Three Types of Power
Intervention 15-3: Assess and Process the Intimacy Thermometers
Intervention 15-4: Graphing Closeness throughout the Relationship
Intervention 15-5: Five Love Languages to Increase Emotional Bonds
Intervention 15-6: A Sculpting Intervention to Deepen Intimacy over Time
Intervention 15-7: Make Dreams and Hopes Solid
CHAPTER 16 ENCOURAGING DEEP EMOTIONAL SHARING: HELP PARTNERS SHARE POSITIVE
AND NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Intervention 16-1: Romantic Dates and Special Times to Enhance Emotional
Intimacy
Intervention 16-2: Three Ways to Enhance Sexual Intimacy
Intervention 16-3: Intellectual and Recreational Intimacy
Intervention 16-4: Prompt Spiritual and Romantic Reflection
Intervention 16-5: Assessing Spirituality with Couples
Intervention 16-6: Couple Prayer
Intervention 16-7: Process Ruptures in the Therapeutic Alliance
CHAPTER 17 BALANCING INTIMACY AND CLOSENESS WITH CO-ACTION AND ALONE-TIME:
FIND THE RIGHT MIX FOR EACH COUPLE
Figure 17-1: The Distancer-Pursuer Couple Play-List. Topics that Trigger
the Pattern of Requesting Interaction Followed by Withdrawal Followed by
Elevated Intensity of Requests, etc.
Intervention 17-1: Bonding Day Activity
Intervention 17-2: A Used-Friendly Manual to Love Me
Intervention 17-3: Distancer-Pursuer Playlist
Intervention 17-4: Influencing Well and Accepting Influence
Intervention 17-5: Healthy Paths to Intimacy and Independence
CHAPTER 18 DISCERRNING ATTACHMENT STYLES AND EMOTIONAL BONDS: FIND EFFECTS
OF EARLY RELATIONSHIPS AND OF ADULT ONES
Intervention 18-1: Understand Attachment by Creating Genograms Focused on
Attachment Styles
Intervention 18-2: Attachment Styles in Their Close Relationships
Intervention 18-3: Two Attachment Styles, One Emotional Bod
Intervention 18-4: Predict Backsliding to Avoid It
Intervention 18-5: Address Defenses against Vulnerability
Intervention 18-6: Solidify Intimacy by Renewing Vows
Intervention 18-7: Solidify Intimacy by Creating a Sojourning Narrative
PART 4 FORGIVING
CHAPTER 19 DEALING WITH HURTS AND INJUSTICES: REDUCE THE INJUSTICE GAP TO
MAKE FORGIVENESS EASIER
Figure 19-1: Radical Acceptance
Intervention 19-1: See with Magic Eyes Fable
Intervention 19-2: Questions to Ponder as You Begin to Address Past Hurts
with the Couple
Intervention 19-3: Stopping Rumination
Intervention 19-4: Tolerate Offensive Behavior without Blowing Up
Intervention 19-5: Forbear Instead of Seeking Revenge (Or Even
Contemplating It)
Intervention 19-6: Offer Restitution
Intervention 19-7: Grace Ain't Just for Supper
Intervention 19-8: Radical Acceptance
Intervention 19-9: Transform Emotion with Emotion
CHAPTER 20 USING AN EFFECTIVE FORGIVENESS INTERVENTION: TEACH FIVE STEPS TO
REACH FORGIVENESS
Intervention 20-1: Issues to Consider as You Start a REACH Forgiveness
Group Program for Your Practice
Intervention 20-2: Point-by-Point Summary of the REACH Forgiveness Protocol
Intervention 20-3: Research Supporting REACH Forgiveness Treatment
CHAPTER 21 USING REACH FORGIVENESS IN SESSION: WALK COUPLES THROUGH IT
Figure 21-1: Four Interventions (21-1, 21-2, 21-3, and 21-4) to Promote
Movement toward Reconciliation
Intervention 21-1: Choose Four Offenses to Work on
Intervention 21-2: Introduce the REACH Forgiveness Model
Intervention 21-3: Practice Confession and Apology
Intervention 21-4: Apply REACH
Intervention 21-5: Work through a Do-It-Yourself Workbook on REACH
Forgiveness
Intervention 21-6: Have Partners Reflect on Their Learning
Intervention 21-7: Six Steps to Decisional Plus Emotional Self-Forgiveness
Intervention 21-8: An Intervention to Forgive Oneself Due to Non-Moral
Self-Condemnation
Intervention 21-9: Working with One Partner on Curbing Their Excessive
Self-Condemnation
PART 5 RECONCILING AND REBUILDING
CHAPTER 22 TEACHING FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION: GUIDE PARTNERS THROUGH
FOUR STEPS TO SET PARTNERS FREE
Figure 22-1: Four Steps to Forgiveness and Reconciliation through
Experiencing Empathy (FREE)
Intervention 22-1: Idea #1 for Preparing Couples to Forgive &
Reconcile-Consider Wartime
Intervention 22-2: Idea #2 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile-Why Forgive &
Reconcile?
Intervention 22-3: Idea #3 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile-Savor Good
Forgiveness
CHAPTER 23 MAKING DECISIONS AND DISCUSSING HURTS: DISCERN WHAT CAN AND
CAN'T BE REDEEMED
Figure 23-1: Prepare for FREE
Intervention 23-1: Consider Memory of Past Conflicts with an Analogy
Intervention 23-2: It's Not Only What I Did, But What My Partner Perceived
I Did
Intervention 23-3: Psychoeducation about Processing Past Offenses
Intervention 23-4: Dan Wile's (1988, 2008) Empathic Responding
Intervention 23-5: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with
Empathy
Intervention 23-6: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with
Emotional Softening
Intervention 23-7: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation through
Regulating Emotions
Intervention 23-8: Address Resistance, Fuzzy Definitions, and Fears of
Forgiveness
Intervention 23-9: Write Letters of Apology as Homework
Intervention 23-10: Discuss Potential Responses to Being Asked to Forgive
the Wrongdoer
Intervention 23-11: CONFESS Acronym
CHAPTER 24 REPAIRING DAMAGE TO THE RELATIONSHIP: FIX WHAT CAN BE FIXED
Intervention 24-1: Scaling the Injustice Gap
Intervention 24-2: Responding to Criticism Non-Defensively (In Session)
Intervention 24-3: Principles to Address Unresolvable Problems
CHAPTER 25 REBUILDING DEVOTION WITH FREE: CREATE NEW STRUCTURES TO REPLACE
MISSING ONES
Intervention 25-1: For Marriage War-Survivors, Read about Coventry and
Dresden
Intervention 25-2: Increase Devotion through Gratitude Interventions
Intervention 25-3: Motivate Couples to Use Regular Checks on Functioning
Intervention 25-4: Discuss Annual Relationship Check-Up Questions
Intervention 25-5: Use the CARE Measure to Have Couples Self-Evaluate the
Relationship
PART 6 REFORGING TRUST
CHAPTER 26 REFORGING TRUST: LET COUPLES KNOW THAT IT TAKES LONGER THAN THEY
THINK IT WILL
Figure 26-1: Trust
Intervention 26-1: Illuminate the Processes of Trust-Busting and
Trust-Building
Intervention 26-2: Use Slow-Building Trust to Deal with Deep Hurts
Intervention 26-3: ATTUNE, An Acronym for Handling a Betrayal
Intervention 26-4: It's Happening Again
Intervention 26-5: Partner Exercise in Building Trust
Intervention 26-6: The Trust Bank
CHAPTER 27 PREPARING FOR FUTURE RUPTURES: ALERT PARTNERS TO INEVITABLE
FUTURE RUPTURES
Intervention 27-1: Anticipate Ruptures by Assessing Change throughout
Treatment
Intervention 27-2: Anticipate Ruptures by Staying Calm in the Face of
Resistances and Roadblocks
Intervention 27-3: Anticipate Ruptures When Working with Partners with a
Trauma History
Intervention 27-4: Anticipate Ruptures by Monitoring the Therapist's Own
Negative Reactions
CHAPTER 28 SOLIDIFYING GAINS AT TERMINATION: PROMOTE REFLECTIVE FUTURE
PLANNING IN LIGHT OF REVIEW OF THERAPY
Figure 28-1: Figure in Termination Report Reporting the Results of
Relationship Closeness Before Therapy (darker pillars) and After Therapy
(lighter pillars)
Intervention 28-1: Three Questions at Termination
Intervention 28-2: An Example of a Final Termination Report
Intervention 28-3: Joshua Memorial or Graduation Ceremony
Intervention 28-4: Post-Therapy Assessment
CHAPTER 29 REACHING A PRODUCTIVE CONCLUSION: HEED THESE TAKE-HOME MESSAGES
PART 1 FRAMING INTERVENTIONS
CHAPTER 2 INTRODUCING THE THEORY: USE FIVE STEPS IN OPERATION HOPE
Figure 2-1: Operation Hope: The Grand Strategy for the Hope-Focused Couple
Approach.
Intervention 2-1: Ten Techniques of the HFCA
CHAPTER 3 PROMOTING HOPE: UNCOVER DIFFERENT KINDS OF HOPE
CHAPTER 4 EMPLOY STRATEGIES FOR LOVE: HELP COUPLES DO THE WORK AND KEEP THE
FAITH
Intervention 4-1: Education about Couple Therapy
Intervention 4-2: Get This Across-In Couple Therapy, Work Is Essential
Intervention 4-3: You Just Have to Do a Week of Work
Intervention 4-4: Great Homework Interventions
Intervention 4-5: Reflective Processing Worksheet
Intervention 4-6: Love that Values the Partner in Action
CHAPTER 5 USING THE THERAPY TECHNIQUES: MAKE CHANGE SENSIBLE
Intervention 5-1: How to Do Sensible Scaling with a Couple
CHAPTER 6 STRENGTHING THE EMOTIONAL BOND: FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MAKES
COUPLES SATISFIED AND STABLE
Figure 6-1: Practical Recipe of Actions to Build Intimacy
Intervention 6-1: CLEAVE to Bond
Intervention 6-2: Tell Me a Secret-Share Your Dreams
Intervention 6-3: Attend to the Emotional Cues
CHAPTER 7 APPLYING PRINCIPLES OF COUPLE THERAPY: FIND THE ESSENCE OF
HELPING COUPLES CHANGE
PART 2 INTERACTING HOPEFULLY
CHAPTER 8 BUILDING HOPE WITH HOPE: HANDLING OUR PROBLEMS EFFECTIVELY
Intervention 8-1: The Alligator Intervention (Or How to Respond When Your
Partner Snaps)
CHAPTER 9 UNDERSTANDING THE COUPLE'S PROBLEMS AND GOALS: USE ASSESSMENT
EFFICIENTLY
Figure 9-1: The Couple Improvement Plan
Table 9-1: Questionnaires and Scales for Clinical Assessment of Couples
Intervention 9-1: Educate Couples about Preferences
Intervention 9-2: Pre-Meeting Assessment Questionnaires
Intervention 9-3: The Dyadic Interview 10 Questions
Intervention 9-4: Assigning Homework and the Couple Improvement Plan
Worksheet
Intervention 9-5: Detect Red Flags
CHAPTER 10 PROVIDING FEEDBACK TO THE COUPLE: ENGAGE COUPLES IN PLANNING
THEIR TREATMENT
Figure 10-1: Graphic Display of Carl and Sarah's Ratings of Elements of
Their Relationship
Intervention 10-1: The Assessment Report
Intervention 10-2: Feedback Report Example
Intervention 10-3: Example Treatment Plan for Couple Therapy
CHAPTER 11 SETTING UP ROUTINE OUTCOME MONITORING: PUT ASSESSMENT TO WORK
Figure 11-1: H-ROM Questionnaire
Figure 11-2: Display of ROM Results for Each Partner
Intervention 11-1: Routine Outcome Monitoring (ROM) Assessment
CHAPTER 12 USING COUPLE THERAPY METHODS FOR HOPE: INSTILL HOPE FOR THE
HOLY, HURTING, AND HEALTHY
Figure 12-1: Pain-Defense-Offense Pattern (adapted from Sells & Yarhouse,
2011)
Intervention 12-1: The Video Review
Intervention 12-2: Stopping Negative Reciprocity
CHAPTER 13 HELPING RESOLVE CONFLICTS: FIND MUTUAL INTERESTS BENEATH SURFACE
FIGHTS
Figure 13-1: Couple Conflict: Process and Intervention
Figure 13-2: The LOVE Acronym
Intervention 13-1: LOVE-Three Interventions in One
Intervention 13-2: Five-Minute Date
Intervention 13-3: Simple Listen and Repeat, Warmly
Intervention 13-4: Time Out
Intervention 13-5: Expressing Valuing Love
Intervention 13-6: Experiencing and Expressing Gratitude
Intervention 13-7: Doubt Your Doubt
Intervention 13-8: Diffusing a Power Struggle by Setting up a Win-Win and
Inviting Partners to Honor Each Other's Valued Choices
Intervention 13-9: Values Card Sort
Intervention 13-10: Process the Conflict
Intervention 13-11: Begin a Hard Discussion with a Soft Start-Up
Intervention 13-12: Slimy Pit Demonstration
CHAPTER 14 PROMOTING BETTER COMMUNICATION: FACILITATE WHAT THEY ALREADY
KNOW
Figure 14-1: Practice Affirming and Active Responding Instead of
Discounting and Disengaging
Intervention 14-1: Love Bank
Intervention 14-2: Love Bank Spin-Offs
Intervention 14-3: Making Affirming Active Responses Using the
Speaker-Listener Technique
Intervention 14-4: Leveling and Editing
Intervention 14-5: Love Busters
Intervention 14-6: TANGO and TANGO-E
Intervention 14-7: A Coke and a Smile
PART 3 BONDING
CHAPTER 15 REVEALING THE SECRET TO A HAPPY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: HELP
BUILD A MORE INTIMATE EMOTIONAL BOND
Figure 15-1: Sternberg's Eight Types of Love Derived from Being High or Low
in Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment
Figure 15-2: Intimacy Thermometers (Ripley & Worthington, 2014)
Intervention 15-1: Plot the Couple's Sternberg Love-Triangle History
Intervention 15-2: Conceptualization of Three Types of Power
Intervention 15-3: Assess and Process the Intimacy Thermometers
Intervention 15-4: Graphing Closeness throughout the Relationship
Intervention 15-5: Five Love Languages to Increase Emotional Bonds
Intervention 15-6: A Sculpting Intervention to Deepen Intimacy over Time
Intervention 15-7: Make Dreams and Hopes Solid
CHAPTER 16 ENCOURAGING DEEP EMOTIONAL SHARING: HELP PARTNERS SHARE POSITIVE
AND NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Intervention 16-1: Romantic Dates and Special Times to Enhance Emotional
Intimacy
Intervention 16-2: Three Ways to Enhance Sexual Intimacy
Intervention 16-3: Intellectual and Recreational Intimacy
Intervention 16-4: Prompt Spiritual and Romantic Reflection
Intervention 16-5: Assessing Spirituality with Couples
Intervention 16-6: Couple Prayer
Intervention 16-7: Process Ruptures in the Therapeutic Alliance
CHAPTER 17 BALANCING INTIMACY AND CLOSENESS WITH CO-ACTION AND ALONE-TIME:
FIND THE RIGHT MIX FOR EACH COUPLE
Figure 17-1: The Distancer-Pursuer Couple Play-List. Topics that Trigger
the Pattern of Requesting Interaction Followed by Withdrawal Followed by
Elevated Intensity of Requests, etc.
Intervention 17-1: Bonding Day Activity
Intervention 17-2: A Used-Friendly Manual to Love Me
Intervention 17-3: Distancer-Pursuer Playlist
Intervention 17-4: Influencing Well and Accepting Influence
Intervention 17-5: Healthy Paths to Intimacy and Independence
CHAPTER 18 DISCERRNING ATTACHMENT STYLES AND EMOTIONAL BONDS: FIND EFFECTS
OF EARLY RELATIONSHIPS AND OF ADULT ONES
Intervention 18-1: Understand Attachment by Creating Genograms Focused on
Attachment Styles
Intervention 18-2: Attachment Styles in Their Close Relationships
Intervention 18-3: Two Attachment Styles, One Emotional Bod
Intervention 18-4: Predict Backsliding to Avoid It
Intervention 18-5: Address Defenses against Vulnerability
Intervention 18-6: Solidify Intimacy by Renewing Vows
Intervention 18-7: Solidify Intimacy by Creating a Sojourning Narrative
PART 4 FORGIVING
CHAPTER 19 DEALING WITH HURTS AND INJUSTICES: REDUCE THE INJUSTICE GAP TO
MAKE FORGIVENESS EASIER
Figure 19-1: Radical Acceptance
Intervention 19-1: See with Magic Eyes Fable
Intervention 19-2: Questions to Ponder as You Begin to Address Past Hurts
with the Couple
Intervention 19-3: Stopping Rumination
Intervention 19-4: Tolerate Offensive Behavior without Blowing Up
Intervention 19-5: Forbear Instead of Seeking Revenge (Or Even
Contemplating It)
Intervention 19-6: Offer Restitution
Intervention 19-7: Grace Ain't Just for Supper
Intervention 19-8: Radical Acceptance
Intervention 19-9: Transform Emotion with Emotion
CHAPTER 20 USING AN EFFECTIVE FORGIVENESS INTERVENTION: TEACH FIVE STEPS TO
REACH FORGIVENESS
Intervention 20-1: Issues to Consider as You Start a REACH Forgiveness
Group Program for Your Practice
Intervention 20-2: Point-by-Point Summary of the REACH Forgiveness Protocol
Intervention 20-3: Research Supporting REACH Forgiveness Treatment
CHAPTER 21 USING REACH FORGIVENESS IN SESSION: WALK COUPLES THROUGH IT
Figure 21-1: Four Interventions (21-1, 21-2, 21-3, and 21-4) to Promote
Movement toward Reconciliation
Intervention 21-1: Choose Four Offenses to Work on
Intervention 21-2: Introduce the REACH Forgiveness Model
Intervention 21-3: Practice Confession and Apology
Intervention 21-4: Apply REACH
Intervention 21-5: Work through a Do-It-Yourself Workbook on REACH
Forgiveness
Intervention 21-6: Have Partners Reflect on Their Learning
Intervention 21-7: Six Steps to Decisional Plus Emotional Self-Forgiveness
Intervention 21-8: An Intervention to Forgive Oneself Due to Non-Moral
Self-Condemnation
Intervention 21-9: Working with One Partner on Curbing Their Excessive
Self-Condemnation
PART 5 RECONCILING AND REBUILDING
CHAPTER 22 TEACHING FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION: GUIDE PARTNERS THROUGH
FOUR STEPS TO SET PARTNERS FREE
Figure 22-1: Four Steps to Forgiveness and Reconciliation through
Experiencing Empathy (FREE)
Intervention 22-1: Idea #1 for Preparing Couples to Forgive &
Reconcile-Consider Wartime
Intervention 22-2: Idea #2 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile-Why Forgive &
Reconcile?
Intervention 22-3: Idea #3 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile-Savor Good
Forgiveness
CHAPTER 23 MAKING DECISIONS AND DISCUSSING HURTS: DISCERN WHAT CAN AND
CAN'T BE REDEEMED
Figure 23-1: Prepare for FREE
Intervention 23-1: Consider Memory of Past Conflicts with an Analogy
Intervention 23-2: It's Not Only What I Did, But What My Partner Perceived
I Did
Intervention 23-3: Psychoeducation about Processing Past Offenses
Intervention 23-4: Dan Wile's (1988, 2008) Empathic Responding
Intervention 23-5: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with
Empathy
Intervention 23-6: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with
Emotional Softening
Intervention 23-7: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation through
Regulating Emotions
Intervention 23-8: Address Resistance, Fuzzy Definitions, and Fears of
Forgiveness
Intervention 23-9: Write Letters of Apology as Homework
Intervention 23-10: Discuss Potential Responses to Being Asked to Forgive
the Wrongdoer
Intervention 23-11: CONFESS Acronym
CHAPTER 24 REPAIRING DAMAGE TO THE RELATIONSHIP: FIX WHAT CAN BE FIXED
Intervention 24-1: Scaling the Injustice Gap
Intervention 24-2: Responding to Criticism Non-Defensively (In Session)
Intervention 24-3: Principles to Address Unresolvable Problems
CHAPTER 25 REBUILDING DEVOTION WITH FREE: CREATE NEW STRUCTURES TO REPLACE
MISSING ONES
Intervention 25-1: For Marriage War-Survivors, Read about Coventry and
Dresden
Intervention 25-2: Increase Devotion through Gratitude Interventions
Intervention 25-3: Motivate Couples to Use Regular Checks on Functioning
Intervention 25-4: Discuss Annual Relationship Check-Up Questions
Intervention 25-5: Use the CARE Measure to Have Couples Self-Evaluate the
Relationship
PART 6 REFORGING TRUST
CHAPTER 26 REFORGING TRUST: LET COUPLES KNOW THAT IT TAKES LONGER THAN THEY
THINK IT WILL
Figure 26-1: Trust
Intervention 26-1: Illuminate the Processes of Trust-Busting and
Trust-Building
Intervention 26-2: Use Slow-Building Trust to Deal with Deep Hurts
Intervention 26-3: ATTUNE, An Acronym for Handling a Betrayal
Intervention 26-4: It's Happening Again
Intervention 26-5: Partner Exercise in Building Trust
Intervention 26-6: The Trust Bank
CHAPTER 27 PREPARING FOR FUTURE RUPTURES: ALERT PARTNERS TO INEVITABLE
FUTURE RUPTURES
Intervention 27-1: Anticipate Ruptures by Assessing Change throughout
Treatment
Intervention 27-2: Anticipate Ruptures by Staying Calm in the Face of
Resistances and Roadblocks
Intervention 27-3: Anticipate Ruptures When Working with Partners with a
Trauma History
Intervention 27-4: Anticipate Ruptures by Monitoring the Therapist's Own
Negative Reactions
CHAPTER 28 SOLIDIFYING GAINS AT TERMINATION: PROMOTE REFLECTIVE FUTURE
PLANNING IN LIGHT OF REVIEW OF THERAPY
Figure 28-1: Figure in Termination Report Reporting the Results of
Relationship Closeness Before Therapy (darker pillars) and After Therapy
(lighter pillars)
Intervention 28-1: Three Questions at Termination
Intervention 28-2: An Example of a Final Termination Report
Intervention 28-3: Joshua Memorial or Graduation Ceremony
Intervention 28-4: Post-Therapy Assessment
CHAPTER 29 REACHING A PRODUCTIVE CONCLUSION: HEED THESE TAKE-HOME MESSAGES
CHAPTER 1 ADMITTING TO THE FRAGILITY OF COUPLE THERAPY: HOLD ONTO HOPE
PART 1 FRAMING INTERVENTIONS
CHAPTER 2 INTRODUCING THE THEORY: USE FIVE STEPS IN OPERATION HOPE
Figure 2-1: Operation Hope: The Grand Strategy for the Hope-Focused Couple
Approach.
Intervention 2-1: Ten Techniques of the HFCA
CHAPTER 3 PROMOTING HOPE: UNCOVER DIFFERENT KINDS OF HOPE
CHAPTER 4 EMPLOY STRATEGIES FOR LOVE: HELP COUPLES DO THE WORK AND KEEP THE
FAITH
Intervention 4-1: Education about Couple Therapy
Intervention 4-2: Get This Across-In Couple Therapy, Work Is Essential
Intervention 4-3: You Just Have to Do a Week of Work
Intervention 4-4: Great Homework Interventions
Intervention 4-5: Reflective Processing Worksheet
Intervention 4-6: Love that Values the Partner in Action
CHAPTER 5 USING THE THERAPY TECHNIQUES: MAKE CHANGE SENSIBLE
Intervention 5-1: How to Do Sensible Scaling with a Couple
CHAPTER 6 STRENGTHING THE EMOTIONAL BOND: FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MAKES
COUPLES SATISFIED AND STABLE
Figure 6-1: Practical Recipe of Actions to Build Intimacy
Intervention 6-1: CLEAVE to Bond
Intervention 6-2: Tell Me a Secret-Share Your Dreams
Intervention 6-3: Attend to the Emotional Cues
CHAPTER 7 APPLYING PRINCIPLES OF COUPLE THERAPY: FIND THE ESSENCE OF
HELPING COUPLES CHANGE
PART 2 INTERACTING HOPEFULLY
CHAPTER 8 BUILDING HOPE WITH HOPE: HANDLING OUR PROBLEMS EFFECTIVELY
Intervention 8-1: The Alligator Intervention (Or How to Respond When Your
Partner Snaps)
CHAPTER 9 UNDERSTANDING THE COUPLE'S PROBLEMS AND GOALS: USE ASSESSMENT
EFFICIENTLY
Figure 9-1: The Couple Improvement Plan
Table 9-1: Questionnaires and Scales for Clinical Assessment of Couples
Intervention 9-1: Educate Couples about Preferences
Intervention 9-2: Pre-Meeting Assessment Questionnaires
Intervention 9-3: The Dyadic Interview 10 Questions
Intervention 9-4: Assigning Homework and the Couple Improvement Plan
Worksheet
Intervention 9-5: Detect Red Flags
CHAPTER 10 PROVIDING FEEDBACK TO THE COUPLE: ENGAGE COUPLES IN PLANNING
THEIR TREATMENT
Figure 10-1: Graphic Display of Carl and Sarah's Ratings of Elements of
Their Relationship
Intervention 10-1: The Assessment Report
Intervention 10-2: Feedback Report Example
Intervention 10-3: Example Treatment Plan for Couple Therapy
CHAPTER 11 SETTING UP ROUTINE OUTCOME MONITORING: PUT ASSESSMENT TO WORK
Figure 11-1: H-ROM Questionnaire
Figure 11-2: Display of ROM Results for Each Partner
Intervention 11-1: Routine Outcome Monitoring (ROM) Assessment
CHAPTER 12 USING COUPLE THERAPY METHODS FOR HOPE: INSTILL HOPE FOR THE
HOLY, HURTING, AND HEALTHY
Figure 12-1: Pain-Defense-Offense Pattern (adapted from Sells & Yarhouse,
2011)
Intervention 12-1: The Video Review
Intervention 12-2: Stopping Negative Reciprocity
CHAPTER 13 HELPING RESOLVE CONFLICTS: FIND MUTUAL INTERESTS BENEATH SURFACE
FIGHTS
Figure 13-1: Couple Conflict: Process and Intervention
Figure 13-2: The LOVE Acronym
Intervention 13-1: LOVE-Three Interventions in One
Intervention 13-2: Five-Minute Date
Intervention 13-3: Simple Listen and Repeat, Warmly
Intervention 13-4: Time Out
Intervention 13-5: Expressing Valuing Love
Intervention 13-6: Experiencing and Expressing Gratitude
Intervention 13-7: Doubt Your Doubt
Intervention 13-8: Diffusing a Power Struggle by Setting up a Win-Win and
Inviting Partners to Honor Each Other's Valued Choices
Intervention 13-9: Values Card Sort
Intervention 13-10: Process the Conflict
Intervention 13-11: Begin a Hard Discussion with a Soft Start-Up
Intervention 13-12: Slimy Pit Demonstration
CHAPTER 14 PROMOTING BETTER COMMUNICATION: FACILITATE WHAT THEY ALREADY
KNOW
Figure 14-1: Practice Affirming and Active Responding Instead of
Discounting and Disengaging
Intervention 14-1: Love Bank
Intervention 14-2: Love Bank Spin-Offs
Intervention 14-3: Making Affirming Active Responses Using the
Speaker-Listener Technique
Intervention 14-4: Leveling and Editing
Intervention 14-5: Love Busters
Intervention 14-6: TANGO and TANGO-E
Intervention 14-7: A Coke and a Smile
PART 3 BONDING
CHAPTER 15 REVEALING THE SECRET TO A HAPPY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: HELP
BUILD A MORE INTIMATE EMOTIONAL BOND
Figure 15-1: Sternberg's Eight Types of Love Derived from Being High or Low
in Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment
Figure 15-2: Intimacy Thermometers (Ripley & Worthington, 2014)
Intervention 15-1: Plot the Couple's Sternberg Love-Triangle History
Intervention 15-2: Conceptualization of Three Types of Power
Intervention 15-3: Assess and Process the Intimacy Thermometers
Intervention 15-4: Graphing Closeness throughout the Relationship
Intervention 15-5: Five Love Languages to Increase Emotional Bonds
Intervention 15-6: A Sculpting Intervention to Deepen Intimacy over Time
Intervention 15-7: Make Dreams and Hopes Solid
CHAPTER 16 ENCOURAGING DEEP EMOTIONAL SHARING: HELP PARTNERS SHARE POSITIVE
AND NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Intervention 16-1: Romantic Dates and Special Times to Enhance Emotional
Intimacy
Intervention 16-2: Three Ways to Enhance Sexual Intimacy
Intervention 16-3: Intellectual and Recreational Intimacy
Intervention 16-4: Prompt Spiritual and Romantic Reflection
Intervention 16-5: Assessing Spirituality with Couples
Intervention 16-6: Couple Prayer
Intervention 16-7: Process Ruptures in the Therapeutic Alliance
CHAPTER 17 BALANCING INTIMACY AND CLOSENESS WITH CO-ACTION AND ALONE-TIME:
FIND THE RIGHT MIX FOR EACH COUPLE
Figure 17-1: The Distancer-Pursuer Couple Play-List. Topics that Trigger
the Pattern of Requesting Interaction Followed by Withdrawal Followed by
Elevated Intensity of Requests, etc.
Intervention 17-1: Bonding Day Activity
Intervention 17-2: A Used-Friendly Manual to Love Me
Intervention 17-3: Distancer-Pursuer Playlist
Intervention 17-4: Influencing Well and Accepting Influence
Intervention 17-5: Healthy Paths to Intimacy and Independence
CHAPTER 18 DISCERRNING ATTACHMENT STYLES AND EMOTIONAL BONDS: FIND EFFECTS
OF EARLY RELATIONSHIPS AND OF ADULT ONES
Intervention 18-1: Understand Attachment by Creating Genograms Focused on
Attachment Styles
Intervention 18-2: Attachment Styles in Their Close Relationships
Intervention 18-3: Two Attachment Styles, One Emotional Bod
Intervention 18-4: Predict Backsliding to Avoid It
Intervention 18-5: Address Defenses against Vulnerability
Intervention 18-6: Solidify Intimacy by Renewing Vows
Intervention 18-7: Solidify Intimacy by Creating a Sojourning Narrative
PART 4 FORGIVING
CHAPTER 19 DEALING WITH HURTS AND INJUSTICES: REDUCE THE INJUSTICE GAP TO
MAKE FORGIVENESS EASIER
Figure 19-1: Radical Acceptance
Intervention 19-1: See with Magic Eyes Fable
Intervention 19-2: Questions to Ponder as You Begin to Address Past Hurts
with the Couple
Intervention 19-3: Stopping Rumination
Intervention 19-4: Tolerate Offensive Behavior without Blowing Up
Intervention 19-5: Forbear Instead of Seeking Revenge (Or Even
Contemplating It)
Intervention 19-6: Offer Restitution
Intervention 19-7: Grace Ain't Just for Supper
Intervention 19-8: Radical Acceptance
Intervention 19-9: Transform Emotion with Emotion
CHAPTER 20 USING AN EFFECTIVE FORGIVENESS INTERVENTION: TEACH FIVE STEPS TO
REACH FORGIVENESS
Intervention 20-1: Issues to Consider as You Start a REACH Forgiveness
Group Program for Your Practice
Intervention 20-2: Point-by-Point Summary of the REACH Forgiveness Protocol
Intervention 20-3: Research Supporting REACH Forgiveness Treatment
CHAPTER 21 USING REACH FORGIVENESS IN SESSION: WALK COUPLES THROUGH IT
Figure 21-1: Four Interventions (21-1, 21-2, 21-3, and 21-4) to Promote
Movement toward Reconciliation
Intervention 21-1: Choose Four Offenses to Work on
Intervention 21-2: Introduce the REACH Forgiveness Model
Intervention 21-3: Practice Confession and Apology
Intervention 21-4: Apply REACH
Intervention 21-5: Work through a Do-It-Yourself Workbook on REACH
Forgiveness
Intervention 21-6: Have Partners Reflect on Their Learning
Intervention 21-7: Six Steps to Decisional Plus Emotional Self-Forgiveness
Intervention 21-8: An Intervention to Forgive Oneself Due to Non-Moral
Self-Condemnation
Intervention 21-9: Working with One Partner on Curbing Their Excessive
Self-Condemnation
PART 5 RECONCILING AND REBUILDING
CHAPTER 22 TEACHING FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION: GUIDE PARTNERS THROUGH
FOUR STEPS TO SET PARTNERS FREE
Figure 22-1: Four Steps to Forgiveness and Reconciliation through
Experiencing Empathy (FREE)
Intervention 22-1: Idea #1 for Preparing Couples to Forgive &
Reconcile-Consider Wartime
Intervention 22-2: Idea #2 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile-Why Forgive &
Reconcile?
Intervention 22-3: Idea #3 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile-Savor Good
Forgiveness
CHAPTER 23 MAKING DECISIONS AND DISCUSSING HURTS: DISCERN WHAT CAN AND
CAN'T BE REDEEMED
Figure 23-1: Prepare for FREE
Intervention 23-1: Consider Memory of Past Conflicts with an Analogy
Intervention 23-2: It's Not Only What I Did, But What My Partner Perceived
I Did
Intervention 23-3: Psychoeducation about Processing Past Offenses
Intervention 23-4: Dan Wile's (1988, 2008) Empathic Responding
Intervention 23-5: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with
Empathy
Intervention 23-6: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with
Emotional Softening
Intervention 23-7: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation through
Regulating Emotions
Intervention 23-8: Address Resistance, Fuzzy Definitions, and Fears of
Forgiveness
Intervention 23-9: Write Letters of Apology as Homework
Intervention 23-10: Discuss Potential Responses to Being Asked to Forgive
the Wrongdoer
Intervention 23-11: CONFESS Acronym
CHAPTER 24 REPAIRING DAMAGE TO THE RELATIONSHIP: FIX WHAT CAN BE FIXED
Intervention 24-1: Scaling the Injustice Gap
Intervention 24-2: Responding to Criticism Non-Defensively (In Session)
Intervention 24-3: Principles to Address Unresolvable Problems
CHAPTER 25 REBUILDING DEVOTION WITH FREE: CREATE NEW STRUCTURES TO REPLACE
MISSING ONES
Intervention 25-1: For Marriage War-Survivors, Read about Coventry and
Dresden
Intervention 25-2: Increase Devotion through Gratitude Interventions
Intervention 25-3: Motivate Couples to Use Regular Checks on Functioning
Intervention 25-4: Discuss Annual Relationship Check-Up Questions
Intervention 25-5: Use the CARE Measure to Have Couples Self-Evaluate the
Relationship
PART 6 REFORGING TRUST
CHAPTER 26 REFORGING TRUST: LET COUPLES KNOW THAT IT TAKES LONGER THAN THEY
THINK IT WILL
Figure 26-1: Trust
Intervention 26-1: Illuminate the Processes of Trust-Busting and
Trust-Building
Intervention 26-2: Use Slow-Building Trust to Deal with Deep Hurts
Intervention 26-3: ATTUNE, An Acronym for Handling a Betrayal
Intervention 26-4: It's Happening Again
Intervention 26-5: Partner Exercise in Building Trust
Intervention 26-6: The Trust Bank
CHAPTER 27 PREPARING FOR FUTURE RUPTURES: ALERT PARTNERS TO INEVITABLE
FUTURE RUPTURES
Intervention 27-1: Anticipate Ruptures by Assessing Change throughout
Treatment
Intervention 27-2: Anticipate Ruptures by Staying Calm in the Face of
Resistances and Roadblocks
Intervention 27-3: Anticipate Ruptures When Working with Partners with a
Trauma History
Intervention 27-4: Anticipate Ruptures by Monitoring the Therapist's Own
Negative Reactions
CHAPTER 28 SOLIDIFYING GAINS AT TERMINATION: PROMOTE REFLECTIVE FUTURE
PLANNING IN LIGHT OF REVIEW OF THERAPY
Figure 28-1: Figure in Termination Report Reporting the Results of
Relationship Closeness Before Therapy (darker pillars) and After Therapy
(lighter pillars)
Intervention 28-1: Three Questions at Termination
Intervention 28-2: An Example of a Final Termination Report
Intervention 28-3: Joshua Memorial or Graduation Ceremony
Intervention 28-4: Post-Therapy Assessment
CHAPTER 29 REACHING A PRODUCTIVE CONCLUSION: HEED THESE TAKE-HOME MESSAGES
PART 1 FRAMING INTERVENTIONS
CHAPTER 2 INTRODUCING THE THEORY: USE FIVE STEPS IN OPERATION HOPE
Figure 2-1: Operation Hope: The Grand Strategy for the Hope-Focused Couple
Approach.
Intervention 2-1: Ten Techniques of the HFCA
CHAPTER 3 PROMOTING HOPE: UNCOVER DIFFERENT KINDS OF HOPE
CHAPTER 4 EMPLOY STRATEGIES FOR LOVE: HELP COUPLES DO THE WORK AND KEEP THE
FAITH
Intervention 4-1: Education about Couple Therapy
Intervention 4-2: Get This Across-In Couple Therapy, Work Is Essential
Intervention 4-3: You Just Have to Do a Week of Work
Intervention 4-4: Great Homework Interventions
Intervention 4-5: Reflective Processing Worksheet
Intervention 4-6: Love that Values the Partner in Action
CHAPTER 5 USING THE THERAPY TECHNIQUES: MAKE CHANGE SENSIBLE
Intervention 5-1: How to Do Sensible Scaling with a Couple
CHAPTER 6 STRENGTHING THE EMOTIONAL BOND: FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MAKES
COUPLES SATISFIED AND STABLE
Figure 6-1: Practical Recipe of Actions to Build Intimacy
Intervention 6-1: CLEAVE to Bond
Intervention 6-2: Tell Me a Secret-Share Your Dreams
Intervention 6-3: Attend to the Emotional Cues
CHAPTER 7 APPLYING PRINCIPLES OF COUPLE THERAPY: FIND THE ESSENCE OF
HELPING COUPLES CHANGE
PART 2 INTERACTING HOPEFULLY
CHAPTER 8 BUILDING HOPE WITH HOPE: HANDLING OUR PROBLEMS EFFECTIVELY
Intervention 8-1: The Alligator Intervention (Or How to Respond When Your
Partner Snaps)
CHAPTER 9 UNDERSTANDING THE COUPLE'S PROBLEMS AND GOALS: USE ASSESSMENT
EFFICIENTLY
Figure 9-1: The Couple Improvement Plan
Table 9-1: Questionnaires and Scales for Clinical Assessment of Couples
Intervention 9-1: Educate Couples about Preferences
Intervention 9-2: Pre-Meeting Assessment Questionnaires
Intervention 9-3: The Dyadic Interview 10 Questions
Intervention 9-4: Assigning Homework and the Couple Improvement Plan
Worksheet
Intervention 9-5: Detect Red Flags
CHAPTER 10 PROVIDING FEEDBACK TO THE COUPLE: ENGAGE COUPLES IN PLANNING
THEIR TREATMENT
Figure 10-1: Graphic Display of Carl and Sarah's Ratings of Elements of
Their Relationship
Intervention 10-1: The Assessment Report
Intervention 10-2: Feedback Report Example
Intervention 10-3: Example Treatment Plan for Couple Therapy
CHAPTER 11 SETTING UP ROUTINE OUTCOME MONITORING: PUT ASSESSMENT TO WORK
Figure 11-1: H-ROM Questionnaire
Figure 11-2: Display of ROM Results for Each Partner
Intervention 11-1: Routine Outcome Monitoring (ROM) Assessment
CHAPTER 12 USING COUPLE THERAPY METHODS FOR HOPE: INSTILL HOPE FOR THE
HOLY, HURTING, AND HEALTHY
Figure 12-1: Pain-Defense-Offense Pattern (adapted from Sells & Yarhouse,
2011)
Intervention 12-1: The Video Review
Intervention 12-2: Stopping Negative Reciprocity
CHAPTER 13 HELPING RESOLVE CONFLICTS: FIND MUTUAL INTERESTS BENEATH SURFACE
FIGHTS
Figure 13-1: Couple Conflict: Process and Intervention
Figure 13-2: The LOVE Acronym
Intervention 13-1: LOVE-Three Interventions in One
Intervention 13-2: Five-Minute Date
Intervention 13-3: Simple Listen and Repeat, Warmly
Intervention 13-4: Time Out
Intervention 13-5: Expressing Valuing Love
Intervention 13-6: Experiencing and Expressing Gratitude
Intervention 13-7: Doubt Your Doubt
Intervention 13-8: Diffusing a Power Struggle by Setting up a Win-Win and
Inviting Partners to Honor Each Other's Valued Choices
Intervention 13-9: Values Card Sort
Intervention 13-10: Process the Conflict
Intervention 13-11: Begin a Hard Discussion with a Soft Start-Up
Intervention 13-12: Slimy Pit Demonstration
CHAPTER 14 PROMOTING BETTER COMMUNICATION: FACILITATE WHAT THEY ALREADY
KNOW
Figure 14-1: Practice Affirming and Active Responding Instead of
Discounting and Disengaging
Intervention 14-1: Love Bank
Intervention 14-2: Love Bank Spin-Offs
Intervention 14-3: Making Affirming Active Responses Using the
Speaker-Listener Technique
Intervention 14-4: Leveling and Editing
Intervention 14-5: Love Busters
Intervention 14-6: TANGO and TANGO-E
Intervention 14-7: A Coke and a Smile
PART 3 BONDING
CHAPTER 15 REVEALING THE SECRET TO A HAPPY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: HELP
BUILD A MORE INTIMATE EMOTIONAL BOND
Figure 15-1: Sternberg's Eight Types of Love Derived from Being High or Low
in Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment
Figure 15-2: Intimacy Thermometers (Ripley & Worthington, 2014)
Intervention 15-1: Plot the Couple's Sternberg Love-Triangle History
Intervention 15-2: Conceptualization of Three Types of Power
Intervention 15-3: Assess and Process the Intimacy Thermometers
Intervention 15-4: Graphing Closeness throughout the Relationship
Intervention 15-5: Five Love Languages to Increase Emotional Bonds
Intervention 15-6: A Sculpting Intervention to Deepen Intimacy over Time
Intervention 15-7: Make Dreams and Hopes Solid
CHAPTER 16 ENCOURAGING DEEP EMOTIONAL SHARING: HELP PARTNERS SHARE POSITIVE
AND NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Intervention 16-1: Romantic Dates and Special Times to Enhance Emotional
Intimacy
Intervention 16-2: Three Ways to Enhance Sexual Intimacy
Intervention 16-3: Intellectual and Recreational Intimacy
Intervention 16-4: Prompt Spiritual and Romantic Reflection
Intervention 16-5: Assessing Spirituality with Couples
Intervention 16-6: Couple Prayer
Intervention 16-7: Process Ruptures in the Therapeutic Alliance
CHAPTER 17 BALANCING INTIMACY AND CLOSENESS WITH CO-ACTION AND ALONE-TIME:
FIND THE RIGHT MIX FOR EACH COUPLE
Figure 17-1: The Distancer-Pursuer Couple Play-List. Topics that Trigger
the Pattern of Requesting Interaction Followed by Withdrawal Followed by
Elevated Intensity of Requests, etc.
Intervention 17-1: Bonding Day Activity
Intervention 17-2: A Used-Friendly Manual to Love Me
Intervention 17-3: Distancer-Pursuer Playlist
Intervention 17-4: Influencing Well and Accepting Influence
Intervention 17-5: Healthy Paths to Intimacy and Independence
CHAPTER 18 DISCERRNING ATTACHMENT STYLES AND EMOTIONAL BONDS: FIND EFFECTS
OF EARLY RELATIONSHIPS AND OF ADULT ONES
Intervention 18-1: Understand Attachment by Creating Genograms Focused on
Attachment Styles
Intervention 18-2: Attachment Styles in Their Close Relationships
Intervention 18-3: Two Attachment Styles, One Emotional Bod
Intervention 18-4: Predict Backsliding to Avoid It
Intervention 18-5: Address Defenses against Vulnerability
Intervention 18-6: Solidify Intimacy by Renewing Vows
Intervention 18-7: Solidify Intimacy by Creating a Sojourning Narrative
PART 4 FORGIVING
CHAPTER 19 DEALING WITH HURTS AND INJUSTICES: REDUCE THE INJUSTICE GAP TO
MAKE FORGIVENESS EASIER
Figure 19-1: Radical Acceptance
Intervention 19-1: See with Magic Eyes Fable
Intervention 19-2: Questions to Ponder as You Begin to Address Past Hurts
with the Couple
Intervention 19-3: Stopping Rumination
Intervention 19-4: Tolerate Offensive Behavior without Blowing Up
Intervention 19-5: Forbear Instead of Seeking Revenge (Or Even
Contemplating It)
Intervention 19-6: Offer Restitution
Intervention 19-7: Grace Ain't Just for Supper
Intervention 19-8: Radical Acceptance
Intervention 19-9: Transform Emotion with Emotion
CHAPTER 20 USING AN EFFECTIVE FORGIVENESS INTERVENTION: TEACH FIVE STEPS TO
REACH FORGIVENESS
Intervention 20-1: Issues to Consider as You Start a REACH Forgiveness
Group Program for Your Practice
Intervention 20-2: Point-by-Point Summary of the REACH Forgiveness Protocol
Intervention 20-3: Research Supporting REACH Forgiveness Treatment
CHAPTER 21 USING REACH FORGIVENESS IN SESSION: WALK COUPLES THROUGH IT
Figure 21-1: Four Interventions (21-1, 21-2, 21-3, and 21-4) to Promote
Movement toward Reconciliation
Intervention 21-1: Choose Four Offenses to Work on
Intervention 21-2: Introduce the REACH Forgiveness Model
Intervention 21-3: Practice Confession and Apology
Intervention 21-4: Apply REACH
Intervention 21-5: Work through a Do-It-Yourself Workbook on REACH
Forgiveness
Intervention 21-6: Have Partners Reflect on Their Learning
Intervention 21-7: Six Steps to Decisional Plus Emotional Self-Forgiveness
Intervention 21-8: An Intervention to Forgive Oneself Due to Non-Moral
Self-Condemnation
Intervention 21-9: Working with One Partner on Curbing Their Excessive
Self-Condemnation
PART 5 RECONCILING AND REBUILDING
CHAPTER 22 TEACHING FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION: GUIDE PARTNERS THROUGH
FOUR STEPS TO SET PARTNERS FREE
Figure 22-1: Four Steps to Forgiveness and Reconciliation through
Experiencing Empathy (FREE)
Intervention 22-1: Idea #1 for Preparing Couples to Forgive &
Reconcile-Consider Wartime
Intervention 22-2: Idea #2 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile-Why Forgive &
Reconcile?
Intervention 22-3: Idea #3 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile-Savor Good
Forgiveness
CHAPTER 23 MAKING DECISIONS AND DISCUSSING HURTS: DISCERN WHAT CAN AND
CAN'T BE REDEEMED
Figure 23-1: Prepare for FREE
Intervention 23-1: Consider Memory of Past Conflicts with an Analogy
Intervention 23-2: It's Not Only What I Did, But What My Partner Perceived
I Did
Intervention 23-3: Psychoeducation about Processing Past Offenses
Intervention 23-4: Dan Wile's (1988, 2008) Empathic Responding
Intervention 23-5: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with
Empathy
Intervention 23-6: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with
Emotional Softening
Intervention 23-7: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation through
Regulating Emotions
Intervention 23-8: Address Resistance, Fuzzy Definitions, and Fears of
Forgiveness
Intervention 23-9: Write Letters of Apology as Homework
Intervention 23-10: Discuss Potential Responses to Being Asked to Forgive
the Wrongdoer
Intervention 23-11: CONFESS Acronym
CHAPTER 24 REPAIRING DAMAGE TO THE RELATIONSHIP: FIX WHAT CAN BE FIXED
Intervention 24-1: Scaling the Injustice Gap
Intervention 24-2: Responding to Criticism Non-Defensively (In Session)
Intervention 24-3: Principles to Address Unresolvable Problems
CHAPTER 25 REBUILDING DEVOTION WITH FREE: CREATE NEW STRUCTURES TO REPLACE
MISSING ONES
Intervention 25-1: For Marriage War-Survivors, Read about Coventry and
Dresden
Intervention 25-2: Increase Devotion through Gratitude Interventions
Intervention 25-3: Motivate Couples to Use Regular Checks on Functioning
Intervention 25-4: Discuss Annual Relationship Check-Up Questions
Intervention 25-5: Use the CARE Measure to Have Couples Self-Evaluate the
Relationship
PART 6 REFORGING TRUST
CHAPTER 26 REFORGING TRUST: LET COUPLES KNOW THAT IT TAKES LONGER THAN THEY
THINK IT WILL
Figure 26-1: Trust
Intervention 26-1: Illuminate the Processes of Trust-Busting and
Trust-Building
Intervention 26-2: Use Slow-Building Trust to Deal with Deep Hurts
Intervention 26-3: ATTUNE, An Acronym for Handling a Betrayal
Intervention 26-4: It's Happening Again
Intervention 26-5: Partner Exercise in Building Trust
Intervention 26-6: The Trust Bank
CHAPTER 27 PREPARING FOR FUTURE RUPTURES: ALERT PARTNERS TO INEVITABLE
FUTURE RUPTURES
Intervention 27-1: Anticipate Ruptures by Assessing Change throughout
Treatment
Intervention 27-2: Anticipate Ruptures by Staying Calm in the Face of
Resistances and Roadblocks
Intervention 27-3: Anticipate Ruptures When Working with Partners with a
Trauma History
Intervention 27-4: Anticipate Ruptures by Monitoring the Therapist's Own
Negative Reactions
CHAPTER 28 SOLIDIFYING GAINS AT TERMINATION: PROMOTE REFLECTIVE FUTURE
PLANNING IN LIGHT OF REVIEW OF THERAPY
Figure 28-1: Figure in Termination Report Reporting the Results of
Relationship Closeness Before Therapy (darker pillars) and After Therapy
(lighter pillars)
Intervention 28-1: Three Questions at Termination
Intervention 28-2: An Example of a Final Termination Report
Intervention 28-3: Joshua Memorial or Graduation Ceremony
Intervention 28-4: Post-Therapy Assessment
CHAPTER 29 REACHING A PRODUCTIVE CONCLUSION: HEED THESE TAKE-HOME MESSAGES