Have you ever felt "one-sided" love? The one that you live alone, through your imagination? I did, many times. In this book I travel back in time to my first crush. And I ask myself, why did I like him so much? And then I do the same with all the other guys who once lived rent-free in my head on my 30 years alive. These pages are my attempt to understand how my neurodivergent mind functions in relation to romantic love, emotions, identity, and communication. My words meant nothing more than my own feelings and ideas (expressed for the first time). Its liberation ritual for me; when I finish it, I hope to have the courage to express my feelings freely. This book is about me, an autistic person who is trying to unmask herself and discover who she is, what she likes and what she needs. I send a big hug to anyone who can relate.