STOP! Do not buy this beastly book! Chuck it down the septic tank! Use it as a dog pooper-scooper, BUT DO NOT READ IT! It's just a slanderous pack of lies to make us Greek Gods look bad! For thousands of years, our stories have been respectfully housed in museums and ivory towers and that's how exactly we'd like it to stay! We don't want you worthless commoners reading our sacred texts. Besides, you won't understand our magnificent myths. You certainly won't be smart enough to understand the colossal, hidden beauty of humans having their eyes stung out by bees, or children chopping up their parents and parents gobbling up their children. You'll get all triggered and write us a bunch of letters we can't be bothered to read. SO PUT THE BOOK DOWN! Go back to your movies and fast food, and we Gods shall continue to rule over you, as is proper. Regards, Zeus, CEO of Mount Olympus.
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