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Hey, folks. My name is Bob Barnem, and I'm a chronic suicidal. I know, I know that sounds like I'm at some AA meeting but let me tell you something. What I've been through would make an AA meeting look like child's play. Do you ever get that itch? And I'm not talking about something that can be treated with a cream or powder. You don't follow? Alright, say you're driving down the highway. Have you ever just had a sudden urge to jump out of the car? Or maybe play intimately with traffic? In short, have you ever felt a desire for the thrill of suicide without the consequence of death? This is a tale about my various ways of suicide . . . and encountering a bizarre knife, some phantom creatures, and being a hero-sometimes. Things are about to get really exciting for both of us. Some itches just need to be scratched.