This is an object oriented exploration of the Gospels. Counter to the reductionist philosophy of the Enlightenment from at least the past 200+ years, this essay suggests two irreconcilable routes upon objects. An object is a universal Being. Drawing upon various contemporary authors as diverse as Jacques Derrida, Slavoj Zizek, Francios Laruelle, Alain Badiou, and Graham Harman, as well as historical philosophers such as Soren Kierkegaard and Emmanuel Kant, Mr. Kair presents a situation that is difficult to set aside and indeed should be counted as a significant offering in the philosophy of religion, if not in the arena of general philosophy.