THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU Coulrophobia--the fear of clowns--is very real and for good reason. You might think these red-nosed jokers are creepy, sure, but certainly not dangerous. You'd be wrong. Clowns never reveal their real names, and dress to obscure their identities. The rules of civilized society don't apply to them (what other stranger could offer candy to children and get away with it?), they have countless places to hide weapons on their person, and their appearance is downright unnatural. Clowns are the scariest people on earth, and the truth is, they are coming for your valuables, your…mehr
THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU Coulrophobia--the fear of clowns--is very real and for good reason. You might think these red-nosed jokers are creepy, sure, but certainly not dangerous. You'd be wrong. Clowns never reveal their real names, and dress to obscure their identities. The rules of civilized society don't apply to them (what other stranger could offer candy to children and get away with it?), they have countless places to hide weapons on their person, and their appearance is downright unnatural. Clowns are the scariest people on earth, and the truth is, they are coming for your valuables, your children, and your sanity. In this comprehensive guide to self-protection from clown creepery, petty crime, and violence, Chuck Sambuchino--founder of the anti-clown group Red Nose Alert--delves into the terrifying clown underworld to provide the knowledge you need to know to protect yourself from these seemingly innocuous gagmen, using his proven four-step system: ASSESS, ANALYZE, DEFEND, PROTECT. Included within are instructions on how to defeat a clown in close combat, tips for spotting the plainclothes clown, and tutorials for fully clown-proofing your home against these painted and bewigged warriors. Most importantly, you'll learn what to do when clowns attack… because it's only a matter of time before they do.Hinweis: Dieser Artikel kann nur an eine deutsche Lieferadresse ausgeliefert werden.
CHUCK SAMBUCHINO works for Writer’s Digest and edits both the Guide to Literary Agents and the Children’s Writer’s & Illustrator’s Market. His first book, How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack, was optioned for film by Sony. Naturally, he hates clowns, and lives in a heavily fortified residence in the Midwest to avoid them. Besides that, he is a freelance editor, cover band guitarist, retro gamer, and owner of a flabby-yet-lovable dog. Connect with him at chucksambuchino.com or @chucksambuchino on Twitter.
Inhaltsangabe
INTRODUCTION 1 1: ASSESS Why Clowns Frighten People 6 The Mental Instability of Clowns 15 2: ANALYZE Types of Clowns 29 The Party Clown 29 The Circus Clown 30 The Street Clown 32 The Tramp or Hobo 33 The Dunking Booth Clown 34 The Cirque de Soleil “Clown” 35 Clown Anatomy 41 Hat 41 Wig 43 Face Paint 44 Nose 47 Shoes 47 Oversized Pants 50 Clown Communication & Lingo 53 3: DEFEND Bozo Hotspots 61 Targets for Attack 65 When Clowns Attack 73 Clown Weapons (Their Arsenal) 74 Clown Assault Tactics 83 How to Defeat a Clown 87 Clown Gangs 95 How to Escape a Clown Posse 99 4: PROTECT Spotting the Plainclothes Clown 106 Signs that Clowns Are Nearby 115 Protect Your Home 119 Conclusion 127 Acknowledgments 128 Photo Credits 129
INTRODUCTION 1 1: ASSESS Why Clowns Frighten People 6 The Mental Instability of Clowns 15 2: ANALYZE Types of Clowns 29 The Party Clown 29 The Circus Clown 30 The Street Clown 32 The Tramp or Hobo 33 The Dunking Booth Clown 34 The Cirque de Soleil “Clown” 35 Clown Anatomy 41 Hat 41 Wig 43 Face Paint 44 Nose 47 Shoes 47 Oversized Pants 50 Clown Communication & Lingo 53 3: DEFEND Bozo Hotspots 61 Targets for Attack 65 When Clowns Attack 73 Clown Weapons (Their Arsenal) 74 Clown Assault Tactics 83 How to Defeat a Clown 87 Clown Gangs 95 How to Escape a Clown Posse 99 4: PROTECT Spotting the Plainclothes Clown 106 Signs that Clowns Are Nearby 115 Protect Your Home 119 Conclusion 127 Acknowledgments 128 Photo Credits 129
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