"Beyond offering sympathy, reassurance, and wisdom, the book doesn't lay out a plan for solving anyone's problems, but reading it may help disappointed parents shuck some of their guilt and shame . . . and let their grown children fend for themselves."--Amazon.com.
"Beyond offering sympathy, reassurance, and wisdom, the book doesn't lay out a plan for solving anyone's problems, but reading it may help disappointed parents shuck some of their guilt and shame . . . and let their grown children fend for themselves."--Amazon.com.
Contents Introduction May I Talk to You Privately? Whose Story Is This? When Bad Things Happen to Good Parents Our Dirty Little Secret The Elephant in the Parlor Chapter One The Kids Are All Right and Other Lies Parents Tell About Their Grown Children The Most Privileged Generation in History -- Except Theirs Great Expectations: Ours or Theirs Who's in Trouble Here? Making Them Happy Is Not Up to Us But Can We Be Happy If They're Not? Chapter Two We're Waiting...and Waiting...and Waiting When We Were Their Age Prolonging the Search for Identity -- Or Just Avoiding It? Excuse Us, But We're Having an Identity Crisis, Too Our Other Unfinished Task Two Kinds of Parents, Same Kind of Kids In Whose Good Time? Addicted, Depressed, and Dependent: A Detour or a Final Destination? Chapter Three Whose Fault Is It, Anyway? The Two Myths of Parenthood "I'll Never Make the Mistakes My Parents Made" Wrestling Guilt to the Ground The Echo of Our Childhoods Regret Is Guilt Without the Neurosis Why Wasn't I Listening? When the Writing's on the Wall Good Enough Is the Best We Can Do Chapter Four They're Ba-a-a-ck! The Never-Empty Nest Out of Time and Out of Patience Sparing the Help vs. Spoiling the Child Lives Without Guideposts Leaving No Forwarding Address Chapter Five The Challenge of Independence Strangled by Our Purse Strings "Why Should They Wait Till We're Dead?" Codependent on Dr. Spock Parents Who Give Too Much Chapter Six Maybe We Shouldn't Have Inhaled The Perils of Nostalgia It's Not the Age of Aquarius Any Longer Is It a Symptom or a Disease? Family Day at Rehab Staying Out of Their Program Doing the Wrong Thing Chapter Seven The Limits of Love Paying a Different Kind of Attention Denying the Undeniable The Real Truth About Gay Pride Following the Pied Piper An Alternative to What? Who Are the Victims Here? Forgiving the Unforgivable Chapter Eight Separating from Their Problems Without Separating from Them The Key to Our Survival Thank You for Sharing Marriages Under Fire Blurred Boundaries, Loving Limits But What About the Grandchildren? Phantom Guilt and Other Crimes of the Heart Chapter Nine Reinventing Our Lives: The Challenge of Postparenthood Reinvigorating the Postparenthood Marriage New Wine in Old Bottles Different Times, Different Agendas Shuffling the Deck for a New Deal Notes Bibliography Index
Contents Introduction May I Talk to You Privately? Whose Story Is This? When Bad Things Happen to Good Parents Our Dirty Little Secret The Elephant in the Parlor Chapter One The Kids Are All Right and Other Lies Parents Tell About Their Grown Children The Most Privileged Generation in History -- Except Theirs Great Expectations: Ours or Theirs Who's in Trouble Here? Making Them Happy Is Not Up to Us But Can We Be Happy If They're Not? Chapter Two We're Waiting...and Waiting...and Waiting When We Were Their Age Prolonging the Search for Identity -- Or Just Avoiding It? Excuse Us, But We're Having an Identity Crisis, Too Our Other Unfinished Task Two Kinds of Parents, Same Kind of Kids In Whose Good Time? Addicted, Depressed, and Dependent: A Detour or a Final Destination? Chapter Three Whose Fault Is It, Anyway? The Two Myths of Parenthood "I'll Never Make the Mistakes My Parents Made" Wrestling Guilt to the Ground The Echo of Our Childhoods Regret Is Guilt Without the Neurosis Why Wasn't I Listening? When the Writing's on the Wall Good Enough Is the Best We Can Do Chapter Four They're Ba-a-a-ck! The Never-Empty Nest Out of Time and Out of Patience Sparing the Help vs. Spoiling the Child Lives Without Guideposts Leaving No Forwarding Address Chapter Five The Challenge of Independence Strangled by Our Purse Strings "Why Should They Wait Till We're Dead?" Codependent on Dr. Spock Parents Who Give Too Much Chapter Six Maybe We Shouldn't Have Inhaled The Perils of Nostalgia It's Not the Age of Aquarius Any Longer Is It a Symptom or a Disease? Family Day at Rehab Staying Out of Their Program Doing the Wrong Thing Chapter Seven The Limits of Love Paying a Different Kind of Attention Denying the Undeniable The Real Truth About Gay Pride Following the Pied Piper An Alternative to What? Who Are the Victims Here? Forgiving the Unforgivable Chapter Eight Separating from Their Problems Without Separating from Them The Key to Our Survival Thank You for Sharing Marriages Under Fire Blurred Boundaries, Loving Limits But What About the Grandchildren? Phantom Guilt and Other Crimes of the Heart Chapter Nine Reinventing Our Lives: The Challenge of Postparenthood Reinvigorating the Postparenthood Marriage New Wine in Old Bottles Different Times, Different Agendas Shuffling the Deck for a New Deal Notes Bibliography Index
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