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God welcomes you to the new American theocracy. Enjoy your stay. No more of that annoying separation of church and state nonsense, praise the Lord.
Those voices you hear must be God talking to you. They couldn't be the neighbor's TV, or the radio from that passing car.
Don't worry about the pain in your chest. God will cure you, if you can afford the co-pay.
Why deal with problems, when you can just pray them all away? Why question anything, when it's God's will? The Bible has all of your answers. Why read any other book? Don't fret over complicated science and facts. Shutting off your brain is much more relaxing, quiet, and fun.
Unfortunately, there's always a wolf among the sheep. This brings about some rather unfortunate results. Murder, rape, slavery, oppression, genocide, destruction, or any other evil can be justified. You just have to know where to look in the Bible. No wonder faith brings out some nice psychosis in true believers. If it's what God wants, how can it be wrong? No reason to feel guilty. If it's in the Bible, then it's OK.
Prepare for fourteen stories of religion run amok. These tales will offend strongly religious people. You've been warned. A little faith may comfort many in times of darkness, but not these people. Putting God back into America seems a pretty good idea to the faithful, but what happens when it's not your God. You might trust in the Lord, but can you trust those who speak for him? Not happy with religion? Well, you could always make up your own, or just become a God yourself. All of the contradictions in the Bible are a bit confusing, so just pick the ones you like. God wants you to do it. If he didn't, he would tell you to stop.
Enjoy these tales of twisted faith, and pray none of them come true.
Two Hundred And Eighty-Nine Stones For Ray Kraft:
Church can be a very dangerous place, when you love another man's wife.
The God Burger:
Fast food has its dangers, as does religion. When the two mix, it never ends well.
The Exorcism Of Sam Rosenberg:
Sometimes it's not worth putting up will hell, just to land that perfect job. You might find yourself a bit possessed.
A Prayer For The Sick:
Who needs all that horrible medicine anyway? Just pray, and God will cure you.
A Voice In The Purple DarK:
God is calling you, and he wants you to wear purple. Just follow the golden tablets, and question nothing. A cloned body and a space ship await you in the next life. You just have to believe.
A Cross To Bear:
It's OK to ask the Lord for help. Hopefully the God that comes, is the one you invited.
The War On Christmas:
They have Holiday blend, instead of Christmas blend. The results will be deadly.
The Six Million Dollar Pizza:
It's the best pizza in the state, but only the righteous can have any.
Christian Gets His Girl:
It's easy to get the girl of your dreams. You just need the Bible, and fifty Shekels.
Darwin's Folly:
If everybody else believes in impossible things, you might as well join them.
A Golem On Mount Sinai Lane:
Be careful when you use the Bible for revenge. You may not get what you prayed for.
Kevin Goes To Hell:
It's damn hot, but at least the bed is comfortable. Relax while you can, because you're about to have a Devil of a time.
A PILGRIMAGE FOR JAKE
Can the great Reverend return Charlie's cat to life? Will he absolve Charlie's friends? Join a pilgrimage to the holiest place on Earth, South Carolina.
The All You Can Eat Apocalypse
Don't let the end of the world ruin your dining experience. Just ignore the battle between good and evil, and get some more peel and eat shrimp.
Those voices you hear must be God talking to you. They couldn't be the neighbor's TV, or the radio from that passing car.
Don't worry about the pain in your chest. God will cure you, if you can afford the co-pay.
Why deal with problems, when you can just pray them all away? Why question anything, when it's God's will? The Bible has all of your answers. Why read any other book? Don't fret over complicated science and facts. Shutting off your brain is much more relaxing, quiet, and fun.
Unfortunately, there's always a wolf among the sheep. This brings about some rather unfortunate results. Murder, rape, slavery, oppression, genocide, destruction, or any other evil can be justified. You just have to know where to look in the Bible. No wonder faith brings out some nice psychosis in true believers. If it's what God wants, how can it be wrong? No reason to feel guilty. If it's in the Bible, then it's OK.
Prepare for fourteen stories of religion run amok. These tales will offend strongly religious people. You've been warned. A little faith may comfort many in times of darkness, but not these people. Putting God back into America seems a pretty good idea to the faithful, but what happens when it's not your God. You might trust in the Lord, but can you trust those who speak for him? Not happy with religion? Well, you could always make up your own, or just become a God yourself. All of the contradictions in the Bible are a bit confusing, so just pick the ones you like. God wants you to do it. If he didn't, he would tell you to stop.
Enjoy these tales of twisted faith, and pray none of them come true.
Two Hundred And Eighty-Nine Stones For Ray Kraft:
Church can be a very dangerous place, when you love another man's wife.
The God Burger:
Fast food has its dangers, as does religion. When the two mix, it never ends well.
The Exorcism Of Sam Rosenberg:
Sometimes it's not worth putting up will hell, just to land that perfect job. You might find yourself a bit possessed.
A Prayer For The Sick:
Who needs all that horrible medicine anyway? Just pray, and God will cure you.
A Voice In The Purple DarK:
God is calling you, and he wants you to wear purple. Just follow the golden tablets, and question nothing. A cloned body and a space ship await you in the next life. You just have to believe.
A Cross To Bear:
It's OK to ask the Lord for help. Hopefully the God that comes, is the one you invited.
The War On Christmas:
They have Holiday blend, instead of Christmas blend. The results will be deadly.
The Six Million Dollar Pizza:
It's the best pizza in the state, but only the righteous can have any.
Christian Gets His Girl:
It's easy to get the girl of your dreams. You just need the Bible, and fifty Shekels.
Darwin's Folly:
If everybody else believes in impossible things, you might as well join them.
A Golem On Mount Sinai Lane:
Be careful when you use the Bible for revenge. You may not get what you prayed for.
Kevin Goes To Hell:
It's damn hot, but at least the bed is comfortable. Relax while you can, because you're about to have a Devil of a time.
A PILGRIMAGE FOR JAKE
Can the great Reverend return Charlie's cat to life? Will he absolve Charlie's friends? Join a pilgrimage to the holiest place on Earth, South Carolina.
The All You Can Eat Apocalypse
Don't let the end of the world ruin your dining experience. Just ignore the battle between good and evil, and get some more peel and eat shrimp.
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