Day Drinking at the Mall, Book 1 The Fire (Firewater Boy, #1) (eBook, ePUB)

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Rabe Schuyler Johnson, your average 21year old, gay, West Texan boy, known as Shy to a few and as Hey You to many others, could not be sure of much in this life, but he WAS sure of one dang thing - he had a motto and he knew how to use that motto and that motto always was and always would remain - It's All About Freedom, Baby! - YUP! - there it was! FREE was what it was all about, at least it was what HE was all about, free was how he rolled, how he rock-n-rolled that is, but he was finding out (the hard way) that this July afternoon FREE was not going to be helping him out ALL THAT MUCH, especially when a guy like Rabe was having an unfortunate Close Encounter of the Religious Kind with an ancient Greek god in a parking lot out behind his neighborhood mall, and MOREOVER, Rabe was having said encounter JUST AS Rabe was on his way towards a serious (and pre-planned) yet nevertheless totally IMPROMPTU drinking binge involving bottomless margaritas at an out-of-the-way Mexican place in the mall food court, well, when that epiphanic, deity-dense intervention OCCURRED on his sorry behind (in a big way) (we're talking LARGE people), well, as that incident SMOTE upon Rabe, Rabe just had to sit up and take notice (if not roll on his back and show his belly), now didn't he? (of course he did!), so yeah, things got real, in a real quick way in Rabe's world right after that, and you know, as it turns out, Rabe's picture-perfect, gay, West Texan lifestyle ended up NOT being all it was cracked up to be, NOR was his motto as useful and all-encompassing as he'd supposed, AND Rabe was also quickly realizing that the Universe was a heck of a lot more SARCASTIC and MEAN than he'd ever been taught in Sunday School, so, yeah, not the best of days for The Rabester. huh? Follow Rabe as he's played with (painfully) (and casually) by a Bored Universe that MAYBE itself is just out DAY DRINKING and is looking for some ACTION and something to FEEL and happens to find a (mostly) innocent RABE to experiment on.

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Anders lives as does Thoreau's mass of men, a life of quiet desperation - sometimes less quiet, sometimes less desperate, but a life nonetheless. That's what you have to remind yourself, when you least believe it, that you are, actually, living your life, and that it is quite the accomplishment, in and of itself, and that you should give yourself a pat on the back occasionally for doing it as well as you do, for as long as you have.
There are many who never will make it as far as you've gone, and none who have lived what you have lived, so every once in a while, remember, it's no sin to celebrate yourself, and give the desperation a rest. It will always be there. You can pick it up and shoulder it anytime you want and start walking again. Setting it down doesn't mean you're getting soft. It just means you're setting it down. Try it, you'll see.
But maybe, one time, at a point of self-celebration, you'll put the desperation down, party, pick yourself up afterwards and start walking and realize you have more energy and more (to use a four letter word) hope - that you're walking with a spring in your step and you won't know why and you don't want to know why. It won't even dawn on you that you've left something behind, that you lost something you thought you were going to have to lug behind you for the rest of your life yes, your desperation. You won't be desperate and it will feel strange until you remember where you set your desperation down - and you go to retrieve it - but, with any luck you won't remember and never will and from that point onwards, or at least for a while, without your desperation, you'll no longer be one of the mass of men, you'll just be you, yourself, a woman or a man who is alive, in the universe and walking about, here and there. And that's all
That, at least, is the goal of Anders. Living in the first, frantically social and riotously connected decades of the 21st century, where the desperation flows as easily as the texting and maybe even easier, and is almost as unstoppable. Almost.