Friend Grief and Men: Defying Stereotypes (eBook, ePUB)

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"Be a man."

Society expects men to take charge, get things done and keep their emotions in check. But what happens when their best friend dies and they're not allowed to grieve?

In Friend Grief and Men: Defying Stereotypes you'll meet men whose friendships shaped their lives. Some lost a best friend, Some lost dozens of friends.

Their stories of grieving and healing will change your perception of what it means to 'be a man'.

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In the spring of 2006, I was deep into my third career as an educational sales rep to Chicago Public Schools (after working in theater and as a fundraiser for arts and AIDS organizations). I told my friend Delle Chatman that I had an idea for a book: stories of people who were grieving the death of a friend. She was supportive and enthusiastic, though I'd never written a book before. She was also in remission from ovarian cancer. Six months later, she was dead.

Eventually,I broke up the book into a series of six small ones, which became the Friend Grief series. I assumed when the series finished that my writing career would be over.

I ran into Tracy Baim, publisher of Windy City Times, Chicago's weekly LGBT paper, in the summer of 2011, who asked me to contribute to her "AIDS@30" series. I was skeptical about whether I would even remember much. But as soon as I sat down at the computer, the memories surged along with the emotions: loss, frustration, rage.

That brought me back to the AIDS community, not as a fundraiser but a writer and activist. I joined ACT UP/NY and participated in actions. My essay, "Long Term Survivor", about those of us who lived through the dark, early days of the epidemic, won the 2015 Christopher Hewitt Award.

After listening to a panel presentation by the women of ACT UP/NY in 2014, I realized that the literature of the AIDS epidemic has acknowledged the critical involvement of lesbians in the early years, none had focused on straight women.

In 2019, Fag Hags, Divas and Moms: The Legacy of Straight Women in the AIDS Community gave long-overdue recognition to women around the world who have changed the course of hte epidemic, largely in obscurity.

The COVID pandemic brought me back to my original subject: friend grief. Losing so many friends, not just to COVID, inspired a new book - What Our Friends Left Behind: Grief and Laughter in a Pandemic.

Now I'm preparing to release a book that builds on the success of the F*g Hags book - Unstoppable: Straight Women on the AIDS Frontlines, coming in September, 2025.

In addition to ACT UP/NY, I'm a member of Alliance of Independent Authors, and Chicago AIDS Garden steering committee.

As I said, this is my fourth career. Will there be a fifth? Will I write more books? Or both? I promise whatever it is, it won't be boring.