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How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio (eBook, ePUB)
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How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio (eBook, ePUB)
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Hilarious advice on what NOT to do with money, from financial funny man Ben Stein
Everyone's searching for the secrets to financial success, but what about the best ways to lose money . . . fast?! In How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio , bestselling author, economist, financial commentator, and media personality Ben Stein explains exactly what to do . . . to go bust! The ultimate "how-NOT-to" guide, the book gives readers invaluable tips that should be avoided at all costs. Written in Stein's own inimitable style, this hilarious guide provides essential financial advice on…mehr
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Hilarious advice on what NOT to do with money, from financial funny man Ben Stein
Everyone's searching for the secrets to financial success, but what about the best ways to lose money . . . fast?! In How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio, bestselling author, economist, financial commentator, and media personality Ben Stein explains exactly what to do . . . to go bust! The ultimate "how-NOT-to" guide, the book gives readers invaluable tips that should be avoided at all costs. Written in Stein's own inimitable style, this hilarious guide provides essential financial advice on what not to do when it comes to managing money.
From reading and acting upon investing newsletters to trading on a margin, from investing in bonds to breathlessly following CNBC, and from buying stock in firms you do not understand to believing in your own genius at stock picking to keeping as little cash on hand as possible, Stein presents the rules that every would-be investor needs to know, so they can do the exact opposite and actually make money. Fully revised and updated, this new edition presents all-new missteps that can destroy any portfolio.
A laugh-out-loud approach to personal finance, How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio is an accessible guide to money from the funniest man in finance.
Everyone's searching for the secrets to financial success, but what about the best ways to lose money . . . fast?! In How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio, bestselling author, economist, financial commentator, and media personality Ben Stein explains exactly what to do . . . to go bust! The ultimate "how-NOT-to" guide, the book gives readers invaluable tips that should be avoided at all costs. Written in Stein's own inimitable style, this hilarious guide provides essential financial advice on what not to do when it comes to managing money.
From reading and acting upon investing newsletters to trading on a margin, from investing in bonds to breathlessly following CNBC, and from buying stock in firms you do not understand to believing in your own genius at stock picking to keeping as little cash on hand as possible, Stein presents the rules that every would-be investor needs to know, so they can do the exact opposite and actually make money. Fully revised and updated, this new edition presents all-new missteps that can destroy any portfolio.
- Fully revised and updated edition of the tongue-in-cheek bestseller that shows investors what not to do with their money
- Written by acclaimed author economist, financial commentator, and media personality Ben Stein
- Loaded with indispensable pieces of bad advice that readers should avoid at all costs
A laugh-out-loud approach to personal finance, How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio is an accessible guide to money from the funniest man in finance.
Produktdetails
- Produktdetails
- Verlag: John Wiley & Sons
- Erscheinungstermin: 22. August 2012
- Englisch
- ISBN-13: 9781118461464
- Artikelnr.: 37348312
- Verlag: John Wiley & Sons
- Erscheinungstermin: 22. August 2012
- Englisch
- ISBN-13: 9781118461464
- Artikelnr.: 37348312
BEN STEIN is a respected economist known to many as a movie and television personality, but he has worked in personal and corporate finance more than anywhere else. He has written about finance for Barron's, the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, and Fortune, was one of the chief busters of the junk-bond frauds of the 1980s, has been a longtime critic of corporate executives' self-dealing, and has co-written numerous finance books. Stein travels the country speaking about finance in both serious and humorous ways, and is a regular contributor to CBS's Sunday Morning, CNN, and Fox News. He was the winner of the 2009 Malcolm Forbes Award for Excellence in Financial Journalism.
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction xvii
1 Trade Frequently 1
2 Trade Foreign Exchange 11
3 Believe in Your Heart That You Can Pick Stocks 19
4 Assume That Recent Trends Will Continue Indefinitely 29
5 Pour Continuer . . . Sell When Things Look Bleak . . . and Stay the Heck Out of the Market 35
6 Know in Your Heart That This Time It’s Different . . . and Act on It 41
7 Dividends are for Spending—Not Investing—Just Ignore Them or Use Them to Buy Baubles 49
8 Cash is Garbage—Except When It’s Not 57
9 Put Your Money into a Hedge Fund 69
10 Try Strategies That No One Else Has Ever Thought of . . . You Can Out-Think the Market 77
11 Use the Strategies That University Endowments and the Giant Players Use 81
12 Commodities are Calling . . . Will You Answer the Phone?: Everything That Happens in Your Life Involves Commodities 87
13 Go on Margin for Everything 93
14 Sell Short 97
15 Do Not Have a Plan for Your Investing or for Your Financial Life Generally 103
16 Do It All Yourself 109
17 Pay No Attention at All to Taxes 111
18 Believe That Those People You See on TV Can Actually Tell the Future 113
19 Do Not Start Even Thinking about Any of This until the Absolutely Last Moment 117
20 Don’t Believe That Any of This Matters Very Much, This Money Stuff 119
21_49: How to Ruin Your Greatest Asset—You 123
Choose a Career with No Possibility of Advancement 124
Choose a Career with Little Chance for a Good Income 124
Choose Lots of Education over Lots of Pay 125
Show No Respect for Your Boss or Fellow Workers 125
Don’t Learn Much about Your Job, Industry, or Employers . . . Just Wing It 126
Do the Minimum Just to Get By 126
Show Up in Torn Jeans, Unshaven, Unwashed, Any Old Way You Feel Like Showing Up 126
Show No Regard for the Truth 127
Display Open Contempt for Your Job, Your Fellow Workers, Your Boss, and Your Clients/Customers 127
Act Like You are Morally Superior to Your Job and Your Colleagues 128
Do Not Be Punctual 128
Don’t Hesitate to Have a Cocktail or Two at Lunch 128
Gossip and Sow Divisiveness at Work 129
Second-Guess Everyone around You at Work, Especially Your Boss 129
Threaten Your Boss and Employer with Litigation 129
Look for Grievances at Work 130
Make Sexual Advances to Anyone You Find Attractive 130
Make Excessive Phone Calls, Texts, and E-Mails on Company Time 131
Play Video Games at Work and Make Loud Noises as You Do 131
Make and Keep Lots of Personal Appointments on Company Time 132
Listen to Your Colleagues’ Conversations and Snoop on Their E-Mails 132
Talk about How Much Better Earlier Employers Were Than Your Current Employer 133
Brag about Your Great Family Connections 133
Pad Your Expense Account 134
Borrow Money from Your Fellow Employees and Don’t Pay It Back 134
Question, Mock, and Belittle Your Tasks 135
Flirt with Your Colleagues’ Significant Others 135
Proselytize at Work and Belittle Anyone Who Doesn’t Share Your Political or Religious Beliefs 135
Say Anything You Want That Comes into Your Head 136
About the Author 137
Introduction xvii
1 Trade Frequently 1
2 Trade Foreign Exchange 11
3 Believe in Your Heart That You Can Pick Stocks 19
4 Assume That Recent Trends Will Continue Indefinitely 29
5 Pour Continuer . . . Sell When Things Look Bleak . . . and Stay the Heck Out of the Market 35
6 Know in Your Heart That This Time It’s Different . . . and Act on It 41
7 Dividends are for Spending—Not Investing—Just Ignore Them or Use Them to Buy Baubles 49
8 Cash is Garbage—Except When It’s Not 57
9 Put Your Money into a Hedge Fund 69
10 Try Strategies That No One Else Has Ever Thought of . . . You Can Out-Think the Market 77
11 Use the Strategies That University Endowments and the Giant Players Use 81
12 Commodities are Calling . . . Will You Answer the Phone?: Everything That Happens in Your Life Involves Commodities 87
13 Go on Margin for Everything 93
14 Sell Short 97
15 Do Not Have a Plan for Your Investing or for Your Financial Life Generally 103
16 Do It All Yourself 109
17 Pay No Attention at All to Taxes 111
18 Believe That Those People You See on TV Can Actually Tell the Future 113
19 Do Not Start Even Thinking about Any of This until the Absolutely Last Moment 117
20 Don’t Believe That Any of This Matters Very Much, This Money Stuff 119
21_49: How to Ruin Your Greatest Asset—You 123
Choose a Career with No Possibility of Advancement 124
Choose a Career with Little Chance for a Good Income 124
Choose Lots of Education over Lots of Pay 125
Show No Respect for Your Boss or Fellow Workers 125
Don’t Learn Much about Your Job, Industry, or Employers . . . Just Wing It 126
Do the Minimum Just to Get By 126
Show Up in Torn Jeans, Unshaven, Unwashed, Any Old Way You Feel Like Showing Up 126
Show No Regard for the Truth 127
Display Open Contempt for Your Job, Your Fellow Workers, Your Boss, and Your Clients/Customers 127
Act Like You are Morally Superior to Your Job and Your Colleagues 128
Do Not Be Punctual 128
Don’t Hesitate to Have a Cocktail or Two at Lunch 128
Gossip and Sow Divisiveness at Work 129
Second-Guess Everyone around You at Work, Especially Your Boss 129
Threaten Your Boss and Employer with Litigation 129
Look for Grievances at Work 130
Make Sexual Advances to Anyone You Find Attractive 130
Make Excessive Phone Calls, Texts, and E-Mails on Company Time 131
Play Video Games at Work and Make Loud Noises as You Do 131
Make and Keep Lots of Personal Appointments on Company Time 132
Listen to Your Colleagues’ Conversations and Snoop on Their E-Mails 132
Talk about How Much Better Earlier Employers Were Than Your Current Employer 133
Brag about Your Great Family Connections 133
Pad Your Expense Account 134
Borrow Money from Your Fellow Employees and Don’t Pay It Back 134
Question, Mock, and Belittle Your Tasks 135
Flirt with Your Colleagues’ Significant Others 135
Proselytize at Work and Belittle Anyone Who Doesn’t Share Your Political or Religious Beliefs 135
Say Anything You Want That Comes into Your Head 136
About the Author 137
Acknowledgments xiii Introduction xvii 1 Trade Frequently 1 2 Trade Foreign
Exchange 11 3 Believe in Your Heart That You Can Pick Stocks 19 4 Assume
That Recent Trends Will Continue Indefinitely 29 5 Pour Continuer . . .
Sell When Things Look Bleak . . . and Stay the Heck Out of the Market 35 6
Know in Your Heart That This Time It's Different . . . and Act on It 41 7
Dividends Are for Spending--Not Investing--Just Ignore Them or Use Them to
Buy Baubles 49 8 Cash Is Garbage--Except When It's Not 57 9 Put Your Money
into a Hedge Fund 69 10 Try Strategies That No One Else Has Ever Thought of
. . . You Can Out-Think the Market 77 11 Use the Strategies That University
Endowments and the Giant Players Use 81 12 Commodities Are Calling . . .
Will You Answer the Phone?: Everything That Happens in Your Life Involves
Commodities 87 13 Go on Margin for Everything 93 14 Sell Short 97 15 Do Not
Have a Plan for Your Investing or for Your Financial Life Generally 103 16
Do It All Yourself 109 17 Pay No Attention at All to Taxes 111 18 Believe
That Those People You See on TV Can Actually Tell the Future 113 19 Do Not
Start Even Thinking about Any of This until the Absolutely Last Moment 117
20 Don't Believe That Any of This Matters Very Much, This Money Stuff 119
2149: How to Ruin Your Greatest Asset--You 123 Choose a Career with No
Possibility of Advancement 124 Choose a Career with Little Chance for a
Good Income 124 Choose Lots of Education over Lots of Pay 125 Show No
Respect for Your Boss or Fellow Workers 125 Don't Learn Much about Your
Job, Industry, or Employers . . . Just Wing It 126 Do the Minimum Just to
Get By 126 Show Up in Torn Jeans, Unshaven, Unwashed, Any Old Way You Feel
Like Showing Up 126 Show No Regard for the Truth 127 Display Open Contempt
for Your Job, Your Fellow Workers, Your Boss, and Your Clients/Customers
127 Act Like You Are Morally Superior to Your Job and Your Colleagues 128
Do Not Be Punctual 128 Don't Hesitate to Have a Cocktail or Two at Lunch
128 Gossip and Sow Divisiveness at Work 129 Second-Guess Everyone around
You at Work, Especially Your Boss 129 Threaten Your Boss and Employer with
Litigation 129 Look for Grievances at Work 130 Make Sexual Advances to
Anyone You Find Attractive 130 Make Excessive Phone Calls, Texts, and
E-Mails on Company Time 131 Play Video Games at Work and Make Loud Noises
as You Do 131 Make and Keep Lots of Personal Appointments on Company Time
132 Listen to Your Colleagues' Conversations and Snoop on Their E-Mails 132
Talk about How Much Better Earlier Employers Were Than Your Current
Employer 133 Brag about Your Great Family Connections 133 Pad Your Expense
Account 134 Borrow Money from Your Fellow Employees and Don't Pay It Back
134 Question, Mock, and Belittle Your Tasks 135 Flirt with Your Colleagues'
Significant Others 135 Proselytize at Work and Belittle Anyone Who Doesn't
Share Your Political or Religious Beliefs 135 Say Anything You Want That
Comes into Your Head 136 About the Author 137
Exchange 11 3 Believe in Your Heart That You Can Pick Stocks 19 4 Assume
That Recent Trends Will Continue Indefinitely 29 5 Pour Continuer . . .
Sell When Things Look Bleak . . . and Stay the Heck Out of the Market 35 6
Know in Your Heart That This Time It's Different . . . and Act on It 41 7
Dividends Are for Spending--Not Investing--Just Ignore Them or Use Them to
Buy Baubles 49 8 Cash Is Garbage--Except When It's Not 57 9 Put Your Money
into a Hedge Fund 69 10 Try Strategies That No One Else Has Ever Thought of
. . . You Can Out-Think the Market 77 11 Use the Strategies That University
Endowments and the Giant Players Use 81 12 Commodities Are Calling . . .
Will You Answer the Phone?: Everything That Happens in Your Life Involves
Commodities 87 13 Go on Margin for Everything 93 14 Sell Short 97 15 Do Not
Have a Plan for Your Investing or for Your Financial Life Generally 103 16
Do It All Yourself 109 17 Pay No Attention at All to Taxes 111 18 Believe
That Those People You See on TV Can Actually Tell the Future 113 19 Do Not
Start Even Thinking about Any of This until the Absolutely Last Moment 117
20 Don't Believe That Any of This Matters Very Much, This Money Stuff 119
2149: How to Ruin Your Greatest Asset--You 123 Choose a Career with No
Possibility of Advancement 124 Choose a Career with Little Chance for a
Good Income 124 Choose Lots of Education over Lots of Pay 125 Show No
Respect for Your Boss or Fellow Workers 125 Don't Learn Much about Your
Job, Industry, or Employers . . . Just Wing It 126 Do the Minimum Just to
Get By 126 Show Up in Torn Jeans, Unshaven, Unwashed, Any Old Way You Feel
Like Showing Up 126 Show No Regard for the Truth 127 Display Open Contempt
for Your Job, Your Fellow Workers, Your Boss, and Your Clients/Customers
127 Act Like You Are Morally Superior to Your Job and Your Colleagues 128
Do Not Be Punctual 128 Don't Hesitate to Have a Cocktail or Two at Lunch
128 Gossip and Sow Divisiveness at Work 129 Second-Guess Everyone around
You at Work, Especially Your Boss 129 Threaten Your Boss and Employer with
Litigation 129 Look for Grievances at Work 130 Make Sexual Advances to
Anyone You Find Attractive 130 Make Excessive Phone Calls, Texts, and
E-Mails on Company Time 131 Play Video Games at Work and Make Loud Noises
as You Do 131 Make and Keep Lots of Personal Appointments on Company Time
132 Listen to Your Colleagues' Conversations and Snoop on Their E-Mails 132
Talk about How Much Better Earlier Employers Were Than Your Current
Employer 133 Brag about Your Great Family Connections 133 Pad Your Expense
Account 134 Borrow Money from Your Fellow Employees and Don't Pay It Back
134 Question, Mock, and Belittle Your Tasks 135 Flirt with Your Colleagues'
Significant Others 135 Proselytize at Work and Belittle Anyone Who Doesn't
Share Your Political or Religious Beliefs 135 Say Anything You Want That
Comes into Your Head 136 About the Author 137
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction xvii
1 Trade Frequently 1
2 Trade Foreign Exchange 11
3 Believe in Your Heart That You Can Pick Stocks 19
4 Assume That Recent Trends Will Continue Indefinitely 29
5 Pour Continuer . . . Sell When Things Look Bleak . . . and Stay the Heck Out of the Market 35
6 Know in Your Heart That This Time It’s Different . . . and Act on It 41
7 Dividends are for Spending—Not Investing—Just Ignore Them or Use Them to Buy Baubles 49
8 Cash is Garbage—Except When It’s Not 57
9 Put Your Money into a Hedge Fund 69
10 Try Strategies That No One Else Has Ever Thought of . . . You Can Out-Think the Market 77
11 Use the Strategies That University Endowments and the Giant Players Use 81
12 Commodities are Calling . . . Will You Answer the Phone?: Everything That Happens in Your Life Involves Commodities 87
13 Go on Margin for Everything 93
14 Sell Short 97
15 Do Not Have a Plan for Your Investing or for Your Financial Life Generally 103
16 Do It All Yourself 109
17 Pay No Attention at All to Taxes 111
18 Believe That Those People You See on TV Can Actually Tell the Future 113
19 Do Not Start Even Thinking about Any of This until the Absolutely Last Moment 117
20 Don’t Believe That Any of This Matters Very Much, This Money Stuff 119
21_49: How to Ruin Your Greatest Asset—You 123
Choose a Career with No Possibility of Advancement 124
Choose a Career with Little Chance for a Good Income 124
Choose Lots of Education over Lots of Pay 125
Show No Respect for Your Boss or Fellow Workers 125
Don’t Learn Much about Your Job, Industry, or Employers . . . Just Wing It 126
Do the Minimum Just to Get By 126
Show Up in Torn Jeans, Unshaven, Unwashed, Any Old Way You Feel Like Showing Up 126
Show No Regard for the Truth 127
Display Open Contempt for Your Job, Your Fellow Workers, Your Boss, and Your Clients/Customers 127
Act Like You are Morally Superior to Your Job and Your Colleagues 128
Do Not Be Punctual 128
Don’t Hesitate to Have a Cocktail or Two at Lunch 128
Gossip and Sow Divisiveness at Work 129
Second-Guess Everyone around You at Work, Especially Your Boss 129
Threaten Your Boss and Employer with Litigation 129
Look for Grievances at Work 130
Make Sexual Advances to Anyone You Find Attractive 130
Make Excessive Phone Calls, Texts, and E-Mails on Company Time 131
Play Video Games at Work and Make Loud Noises as You Do 131
Make and Keep Lots of Personal Appointments on Company Time 132
Listen to Your Colleagues’ Conversations and Snoop on Their E-Mails 132
Talk about How Much Better Earlier Employers Were Than Your Current Employer 133
Brag about Your Great Family Connections 133
Pad Your Expense Account 134
Borrow Money from Your Fellow Employees and Don’t Pay It Back 134
Question, Mock, and Belittle Your Tasks 135
Flirt with Your Colleagues’ Significant Others 135
Proselytize at Work and Belittle Anyone Who Doesn’t Share Your Political or Religious Beliefs 135
Say Anything You Want That Comes into Your Head 136
About the Author 137
Introduction xvii
1 Trade Frequently 1
2 Trade Foreign Exchange 11
3 Believe in Your Heart That You Can Pick Stocks 19
4 Assume That Recent Trends Will Continue Indefinitely 29
5 Pour Continuer . . . Sell When Things Look Bleak . . . and Stay the Heck Out of the Market 35
6 Know in Your Heart That This Time It’s Different . . . and Act on It 41
7 Dividends are for Spending—Not Investing—Just Ignore Them or Use Them to Buy Baubles 49
8 Cash is Garbage—Except When It’s Not 57
9 Put Your Money into a Hedge Fund 69
10 Try Strategies That No One Else Has Ever Thought of . . . You Can Out-Think the Market 77
11 Use the Strategies That University Endowments and the Giant Players Use 81
12 Commodities are Calling . . . Will You Answer the Phone?: Everything That Happens in Your Life Involves Commodities 87
13 Go on Margin for Everything 93
14 Sell Short 97
15 Do Not Have a Plan for Your Investing or for Your Financial Life Generally 103
16 Do It All Yourself 109
17 Pay No Attention at All to Taxes 111
18 Believe That Those People You See on TV Can Actually Tell the Future 113
19 Do Not Start Even Thinking about Any of This until the Absolutely Last Moment 117
20 Don’t Believe That Any of This Matters Very Much, This Money Stuff 119
21_49: How to Ruin Your Greatest Asset—You 123
Choose a Career with No Possibility of Advancement 124
Choose a Career with Little Chance for a Good Income 124
Choose Lots of Education over Lots of Pay 125
Show No Respect for Your Boss or Fellow Workers 125
Don’t Learn Much about Your Job, Industry, or Employers . . . Just Wing It 126
Do the Minimum Just to Get By 126
Show Up in Torn Jeans, Unshaven, Unwashed, Any Old Way You Feel Like Showing Up 126
Show No Regard for the Truth 127
Display Open Contempt for Your Job, Your Fellow Workers, Your Boss, and Your Clients/Customers 127
Act Like You are Morally Superior to Your Job and Your Colleagues 128
Do Not Be Punctual 128
Don’t Hesitate to Have a Cocktail or Two at Lunch 128
Gossip and Sow Divisiveness at Work 129
Second-Guess Everyone around You at Work, Especially Your Boss 129
Threaten Your Boss and Employer with Litigation 129
Look for Grievances at Work 130
Make Sexual Advances to Anyone You Find Attractive 130
Make Excessive Phone Calls, Texts, and E-Mails on Company Time 131
Play Video Games at Work and Make Loud Noises as You Do 131
Make and Keep Lots of Personal Appointments on Company Time 132
Listen to Your Colleagues’ Conversations and Snoop on Their E-Mails 132
Talk about How Much Better Earlier Employers Were Than Your Current Employer 133
Brag about Your Great Family Connections 133
Pad Your Expense Account 134
Borrow Money from Your Fellow Employees and Don’t Pay It Back 134
Question, Mock, and Belittle Your Tasks 135
Flirt with Your Colleagues’ Significant Others 135
Proselytize at Work and Belittle Anyone Who Doesn’t Share Your Political or Religious Beliefs 135
Say Anything You Want That Comes into Your Head 136
About the Author 137
Acknowledgments xiii Introduction xvii 1 Trade Frequently 1 2 Trade Foreign
Exchange 11 3 Believe in Your Heart That You Can Pick Stocks 19 4 Assume
That Recent Trends Will Continue Indefinitely 29 5 Pour Continuer . . .
Sell When Things Look Bleak . . . and Stay the Heck Out of the Market 35 6
Know in Your Heart That This Time It's Different . . . and Act on It 41 7
Dividends Are for Spending--Not Investing--Just Ignore Them or Use Them to
Buy Baubles 49 8 Cash Is Garbage--Except When It's Not 57 9 Put Your Money
into a Hedge Fund 69 10 Try Strategies That No One Else Has Ever Thought of
. . . You Can Out-Think the Market 77 11 Use the Strategies That University
Endowments and the Giant Players Use 81 12 Commodities Are Calling . . .
Will You Answer the Phone?: Everything That Happens in Your Life Involves
Commodities 87 13 Go on Margin for Everything 93 14 Sell Short 97 15 Do Not
Have a Plan for Your Investing or for Your Financial Life Generally 103 16
Do It All Yourself 109 17 Pay No Attention at All to Taxes 111 18 Believe
That Those People You See on TV Can Actually Tell the Future 113 19 Do Not
Start Even Thinking about Any of This until the Absolutely Last Moment 117
20 Don't Believe That Any of This Matters Very Much, This Money Stuff 119
2149: How to Ruin Your Greatest Asset--You 123 Choose a Career with No
Possibility of Advancement 124 Choose a Career with Little Chance for a
Good Income 124 Choose Lots of Education over Lots of Pay 125 Show No
Respect for Your Boss or Fellow Workers 125 Don't Learn Much about Your
Job, Industry, or Employers . . . Just Wing It 126 Do the Minimum Just to
Get By 126 Show Up in Torn Jeans, Unshaven, Unwashed, Any Old Way You Feel
Like Showing Up 126 Show No Regard for the Truth 127 Display Open Contempt
for Your Job, Your Fellow Workers, Your Boss, and Your Clients/Customers
127 Act Like You Are Morally Superior to Your Job and Your Colleagues 128
Do Not Be Punctual 128 Don't Hesitate to Have a Cocktail or Two at Lunch
128 Gossip and Sow Divisiveness at Work 129 Second-Guess Everyone around
You at Work, Especially Your Boss 129 Threaten Your Boss and Employer with
Litigation 129 Look for Grievances at Work 130 Make Sexual Advances to
Anyone You Find Attractive 130 Make Excessive Phone Calls, Texts, and
E-Mails on Company Time 131 Play Video Games at Work and Make Loud Noises
as You Do 131 Make and Keep Lots of Personal Appointments on Company Time
132 Listen to Your Colleagues' Conversations and Snoop on Their E-Mails 132
Talk about How Much Better Earlier Employers Were Than Your Current
Employer 133 Brag about Your Great Family Connections 133 Pad Your Expense
Account 134 Borrow Money from Your Fellow Employees and Don't Pay It Back
134 Question, Mock, and Belittle Your Tasks 135 Flirt with Your Colleagues'
Significant Others 135 Proselytize at Work and Belittle Anyone Who Doesn't
Share Your Political or Religious Beliefs 135 Say Anything You Want That
Comes into Your Head 136 About the Author 137
Exchange 11 3 Believe in Your Heart That You Can Pick Stocks 19 4 Assume
That Recent Trends Will Continue Indefinitely 29 5 Pour Continuer . . .
Sell When Things Look Bleak . . . and Stay the Heck Out of the Market 35 6
Know in Your Heart That This Time It's Different . . . and Act on It 41 7
Dividends Are for Spending--Not Investing--Just Ignore Them or Use Them to
Buy Baubles 49 8 Cash Is Garbage--Except When It's Not 57 9 Put Your Money
into a Hedge Fund 69 10 Try Strategies That No One Else Has Ever Thought of
. . . You Can Out-Think the Market 77 11 Use the Strategies That University
Endowments and the Giant Players Use 81 12 Commodities Are Calling . . .
Will You Answer the Phone?: Everything That Happens in Your Life Involves
Commodities 87 13 Go on Margin for Everything 93 14 Sell Short 97 15 Do Not
Have a Plan for Your Investing or for Your Financial Life Generally 103 16
Do It All Yourself 109 17 Pay No Attention at All to Taxes 111 18 Believe
That Those People You See on TV Can Actually Tell the Future 113 19 Do Not
Start Even Thinking about Any of This until the Absolutely Last Moment 117
20 Don't Believe That Any of This Matters Very Much, This Money Stuff 119
2149: How to Ruin Your Greatest Asset--You 123 Choose a Career with No
Possibility of Advancement 124 Choose a Career with Little Chance for a
Good Income 124 Choose Lots of Education over Lots of Pay 125 Show No
Respect for Your Boss or Fellow Workers 125 Don't Learn Much about Your
Job, Industry, or Employers . . . Just Wing It 126 Do the Minimum Just to
Get By 126 Show Up in Torn Jeans, Unshaven, Unwashed, Any Old Way You Feel
Like Showing Up 126 Show No Regard for the Truth 127 Display Open Contempt
for Your Job, Your Fellow Workers, Your Boss, and Your Clients/Customers
127 Act Like You Are Morally Superior to Your Job and Your Colleagues 128
Do Not Be Punctual 128 Don't Hesitate to Have a Cocktail or Two at Lunch
128 Gossip and Sow Divisiveness at Work 129 Second-Guess Everyone around
You at Work, Especially Your Boss 129 Threaten Your Boss and Employer with
Litigation 129 Look for Grievances at Work 130 Make Sexual Advances to
Anyone You Find Attractive 130 Make Excessive Phone Calls, Texts, and
E-Mails on Company Time 131 Play Video Games at Work and Make Loud Noises
as You Do 131 Make and Keep Lots of Personal Appointments on Company Time
132 Listen to Your Colleagues' Conversations and Snoop on Their E-Mails 132
Talk about How Much Better Earlier Employers Were Than Your Current
Employer 133 Brag about Your Great Family Connections 133 Pad Your Expense
Account 134 Borrow Money from Your Fellow Employees and Don't Pay It Back
134 Question, Mock, and Belittle Your Tasks 135 Flirt with Your Colleagues'
Significant Others 135 Proselytize at Work and Belittle Anyone Who Doesn't
Share Your Political or Religious Beliefs 135 Say Anything You Want That
Comes into Your Head 136 About the Author 137