As a family, we suffered a lot of mental illness, physical illness, sexual abuse, and even violence, and financial difficulty. It was ongoing and intense. When I didn't get any answers in church as to why Christians suffer, I started to feel more and more isolated. I couldn't connect with anyone and felt lonelier in church than when I was on my own. The pastor had no understanding of suffering and all he would pray for us was John 10:10: "The devil comes to steal, to kill and to destroy." That always gave me the feeling that the devil was running my household and I had no idea why that would be. We lived clean lives and followed the Lord to the best of our ability. Others would say that we just had to have faith. That really annoyed me. Of course, we had faith. We continued to believe in Christ despite all the difficulties and Jesus said you only need faith like a mustard seed to move a mountain (Matthew 17:20). I ended up leaving church. I needed answers and so I started a study of suffering in the scriptures and went to the desert to pray every week. This lasted for about two and a half years and this study is the result.
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