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Why do parents who can pull off multi-million dollar deals at work then go home and stumble with their kids? Parents spend an awful lot of time negotiating with their kids-over everyday requests, rules and policies, and big decisions, and often end up derailed and frustrated. In Negotiating at Home, Kurtzberg and Kern offer parents a chance to look more closely at what they already do well (and why) and what can be done better. Grounded in decades of research on how to negotiate effectively, parents will learn about how to plan, recognize specific tactics, communicate and work in…mehr
Why do parents who can pull off multi-million dollar deals at work then go home and stumble with their kids?
Parents spend an awful lot of time negotiating with their kids-over everyday requests, rules and policies, and big decisions, and often end up derailed and frustrated. In Negotiating at Home, Kurtzberg and Kern offer parents a chance to look more closely at what they already do well (and why) and what can be done better. Grounded in decades of research on how to negotiate effectively, parents will learn about how to plan, recognize specific tactics, communicate and work in partnerships with other family members, address fairness, and handle conflict.
Terri R. Kurtzberg, PhD, is associate professor of management and global business at Rutgers Business School Newark and New Brunswick, NJ.
Inhaltsangabe
Preface What You Already Know and What's New What's to Come Step 1 Cracking the Negotiations Code 1 Learning Negotiation Skills What Is Negotiation? Why Is This So Much Harder at Home Than at Work? Negotiating by the Numbers The Limits of Learning from Experience The Paradoxes of Parenting The Problem of Analogical Transfer Five Big Ideas about Learning Negotiation Skills 2 The Single Best Predictor of Success: Preparation Start with a Goal The Nitty-Gritty of Preparing: The Three-Question Checklist, Asked Twice Why Are "Whys" Particularly Hard in This Setting? The Two Levels: Immediate and Perpetual First Things First: Get Your Own Ducks in a Row Sharing Your "Why" What about Your Child's Perspective? The Second Time through the Three Questions An Example of the Three-Question Checklist (Asked Twice) in Action Five Big Ideas on Preparation 3 Choosing a Strategy: Power, Rules, and Insight Power: The Ace Up Your Sleeve Establishing Rules What Is "Fair"? The Go-To Fair Solution: "Let's Just Split It" Insight Five Big Ideas about Choosing a Strategy Step 2 Becoming a Master of the Moment 4 Psychological Warfare: The Common Tactics Kids Use for Getting What They Want The Go-To List That Comes Preinstalled in Most Children Tactic #1: The Buck Stops Where? Conformity Pressures in Parenting Tactic #2: It's Not as Bad as What I Could Have Asked for! And Its Twin: While You're Saying Yes, How about Just This One Extra Little Thing? The Use of Contrasts Tactic #3: What If I Just Keep Asking? Really, I Could Do This All Day . The Exhaustion Tactic Tactic #4: Lying Five Big Ideas about Tactics 5 Predictable Pitfalls The Science of Decision Making Misremembering the Origins: Getting Stuck on Blame Escalation of Commitment: Getting Stuck with Our Previous Decisions Artificially High Stakes: Getting Stuck on Fears for the Future The Winner's Curse: Getting Stuck on What Might Have Been Anchoring and Concessions: Getting Stuck on the First Thing You Hear Five Big Ideas about Pitfalls 6 Multiple Roles at the Table: Teammate, Coach, and Judge Teammate: The Two-Headed Monster Sure, We're on the Same Page! (Aren't We?) Which One Are You, The Strict one or The Nice One? Tell It to the Judge Coaching for Future Success Coaching and Judging over Time Five Big Ideas on Your Multiple Roles in Negotiations (Teammate, Judge, and Coach) 7 Negotiating via Text Short but Not Always Sweet The Magic of Speech Words and Symbols The Third Wheel of Technology We're Not Ourselves Online Five Big Ideas about Texting Step 3 Bringing the Best of Yourself 8 Negotiating While Hopping Mad: Managing Emotions in Negotiations Why Is It So Hard to Think Straight When Mad, Sad, or Glad? Catch It, Share It, and Weigh It: Contagion, Congruence, and First Impressions The Emotional You versus The Rational You: Fight of the Century! Kids' Emotions: A Work in Progress The Life Raft of Active Listening Five Big Ideas about Emotions 9 Managing Everyday Conflict Monkey See, Monkey Do "My Way or the Highway" versus "I Need to Do What My Child Needs Me to Do" One Problem, Five Solutions Can You Hear Me Now? Strategies for Communicating Well Five Big Ideas about Conflict and Communication 10 The Tools at Work: The Test Drives What's Different about a Negotiation at Home? The Value of Planning Which Strategy and When? Being Battle Ready for The Every Day, Every Kid Tactics We Are All (Parents and Children) Predictably Irrational The Part You Play To Text or Not to Text? Don't Get Derailed by Emotions Moving Beyond Your Defaults in Resolving Conflicts and Communicating Conclusion Appendix The Five Rules Your Kids Need to Think Like a Master Negotiator The Kids Guide to Negotiating Rule #1: Decide: Should I, or Shouldn't I? Rule #2: Before You Even Open Your Mouth, Spend a Minute Thinking Rule #3: Ask a Lot of Questions (Before You Start Talking about Your Own Ideas) Rule #4: Explain Yourself Rule #5: Brainstorm Summary Checklist of Steps Index
Preface What You Already Know and What's New What's to Come Step 1 Cracking the Negotiations Code 1 Learning Negotiation Skills What Is Negotiation? Why Is This So Much Harder at Home Than at Work? Negotiating by the Numbers The Limits of Learning from Experience The Paradoxes of Parenting The Problem of Analogical Transfer Five Big Ideas about Learning Negotiation Skills 2 The Single Best Predictor of Success: Preparation Start with a Goal The Nitty-Gritty of Preparing: The Three-Question Checklist, Asked Twice Why Are "Whys" Particularly Hard in This Setting? The Two Levels: Immediate and Perpetual First Things First: Get Your Own Ducks in a Row Sharing Your "Why" What about Your Child's Perspective? The Second Time through the Three Questions An Example of the Three-Question Checklist (Asked Twice) in Action Five Big Ideas on Preparation 3 Choosing a Strategy: Power, Rules, and Insight Power: The Ace Up Your Sleeve Establishing Rules What Is "Fair"? The Go-To Fair Solution: "Let's Just Split It" Insight Five Big Ideas about Choosing a Strategy Step 2 Becoming a Master of the Moment 4 Psychological Warfare: The Common Tactics Kids Use for Getting What They Want The Go-To List That Comes Preinstalled in Most Children Tactic #1: The Buck Stops Where? Conformity Pressures in Parenting Tactic #2: It's Not as Bad as What I Could Have Asked for! And Its Twin: While You're Saying Yes, How about Just This One Extra Little Thing? The Use of Contrasts Tactic #3: What If I Just Keep Asking? Really, I Could Do This All Day . The Exhaustion Tactic Tactic #4: Lying Five Big Ideas about Tactics 5 Predictable Pitfalls The Science of Decision Making Misremembering the Origins: Getting Stuck on Blame Escalation of Commitment: Getting Stuck with Our Previous Decisions Artificially High Stakes: Getting Stuck on Fears for the Future The Winner's Curse: Getting Stuck on What Might Have Been Anchoring and Concessions: Getting Stuck on the First Thing You Hear Five Big Ideas about Pitfalls 6 Multiple Roles at the Table: Teammate, Coach, and Judge Teammate: The Two-Headed Monster Sure, We're on the Same Page! (Aren't We?) Which One Are You, The Strict one or The Nice One? Tell It to the Judge Coaching for Future Success Coaching and Judging over Time Five Big Ideas on Your Multiple Roles in Negotiations (Teammate, Judge, and Coach) 7 Negotiating via Text Short but Not Always Sweet The Magic of Speech Words and Symbols The Third Wheel of Technology We're Not Ourselves Online Five Big Ideas about Texting Step 3 Bringing the Best of Yourself 8 Negotiating While Hopping Mad: Managing Emotions in Negotiations Why Is It So Hard to Think Straight When Mad, Sad, or Glad? Catch It, Share It, and Weigh It: Contagion, Congruence, and First Impressions The Emotional You versus The Rational You: Fight of the Century! Kids' Emotions: A Work in Progress The Life Raft of Active Listening Five Big Ideas about Emotions 9 Managing Everyday Conflict Monkey See, Monkey Do "My Way or the Highway" versus "I Need to Do What My Child Needs Me to Do" One Problem, Five Solutions Can You Hear Me Now? Strategies for Communicating Well Five Big Ideas about Conflict and Communication 10 The Tools at Work: The Test Drives What's Different about a Negotiation at Home? The Value of Planning Which Strategy and When? Being Battle Ready for The Every Day, Every Kid Tactics We Are All (Parents and Children) Predictably Irrational The Part You Play To Text or Not to Text? Don't Get Derailed by Emotions Moving Beyond Your Defaults in Resolving Conflicts and Communicating Conclusion Appendix The Five Rules Your Kids Need to Think Like a Master Negotiator The Kids Guide to Negotiating Rule #1: Decide: Should I, or Shouldn't I? Rule #2: Before You Even Open Your Mouth, Spend a Minute Thinking Rule #3: Ask a Lot of Questions (Before You Start Talking about Your Own Ideas) Rule #4: Explain Yourself Rule #5: Brainstorm Summary Checklist of Steps Index
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