Frankie Lassut

Shelley and Stoker (eBook, ePUB)

• Format: ePub

Produktbeschreibung

Mary Shelly and Bram Stoker, two great icons who had the human ability 'afforded' to some ... the ability to love what they did. Writing though, to both of them was a beloved hobby. Mary Shelley was a maker of things such as tissue boxes, from seashells, so she was self employed and wasn't normal because she didn't have a proper job. Her seafront shop (can't give you the location, or you may mob it) was called Shelly's Shelly Stuff.
Bram Stoker, another self-employed man with no proper job he loathed, was more horrible. He was a taxidermist, but not a normal one. He stuck human skin, which he pinched from the waste bins of Chinese takeaways, to taxis and made them look very weird. He then used them to run Stoker's Goth Skin Taxis.
They both wrote their famous respective masterpieces, then as usual, as writers, they died of starvation, just after the debt collectors came to get all their furniture and beat them up. It is truly a very sad world for people who entertain others with stories written on paper or computer screens. People with proper jobs and no passions don't know they're 'born', even if it is during a thunderstorm when the lightning strikes and their stitched together body may arch as the current courses through their dead flesh on its electron journey. The thunder rumbles on, regardless, like a bull elephant's gut after eating leaves which frogs have pooed on.

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Produktdetails

• Verlag: Frankie Lassut
• Erscheinungstermin: 8. Juli 2014
• Englisch
• ISBN-13: 9781910103500
• Artikelnr.: 46921964

Autorenporträt

I am the one being shaved; the other one Nim, is is a looney bin now!
I went to see a psychic years ago who ended up as my girlfriend; she didn't see that one coming! But she was extremely honoured. However it ended badly i.e. it rained heavily as I buried her body and I got soaked. No! You don't really want to hear about it, it's depressing; I was joking about the burial. She told me that I was to uncover a talent I had ... Well, another psychic told me that as the first one was dead; I was lying when I said I was lying. Nothing happened for quite a while. Suddenly I realised I needed a 'job' quite badly as I was beginning to drink halves. No, not a boob 'job'! I went for the cheap option i.e. the surgeon gave some socks to shove up my jumper when I go out. I got a 'job' (have you got boobs on your mind?) because someone told me that bus-driving was easy because you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel. She was about six, a wise woman ... that's called an oxymoron. Fantastic! I thought get the job and in a couple of days I'd be driving all the nice passengers around and about seeing all the sights for a fraction of the cost of a tour bus; and we'd have a roof in case it rained. Easy! First of all though there was the training; and I entered hell.

I was born in Cumbria in a little ex-iron ore mining town called Millom. It was only small, a one- horse town; the horse was called Peg. It had a pedigree name too, but I can't remember it at the moment: Peggy Suss? However, I got fed up and left as I was the only man in a town full of women and they were all lesbys; I've always been lucky. I went to Blackpool and attended the photographic college. I then moved to Coventry and met the psychic who would tell me what was going to happen. I could say now that the rest is history. Well it is, but obviously not history as that's all made up anyway. Then I got the job bus-driving, which as I said is easy 'you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel'. The bus station management weren't pleased that she had said that though, so she was tried and sent to Guantanamo Bay; they have a section for young kids who are bad to the bone.

The job was so mad that I thought it would be a good idea to write out some posters and stick them all on the wall of the bus station. The other drivers enjoyed them, but the management tore them down, the badstars (that's an anagram of astards +B). I carried on and ended up with a manuscript for a book, which, by ...