First Dates: An honest account of my adolescent 'relationships' with the models in mail-order catalogues. Lamb 197: A lost Cumbrian lamb re-unites with its mother, leading to realisations about the relationship I have with my own. Listen to the Man: Myself and a fellow stoner board a pedalo and take to the sea. Ignoring the advice of the man hiring them out, we head past the buoys and get taken out by the tide. The Fabricheads: Dark imaginations of a town (in Wales) where trepanning is practiced, leading to improved intellectual function and enlightenment for its residents. Falling Down, Granola and the Water Bowl: After a hard day's work, I am confronted with mounting bills and suffer a cartoon mini-breakdown. He Played Eight: Mortifying infant embarrassment when forced to sing in class. Spit in Me Hat: Lunchtime observations: as I sit on a mound of rubble on an abandoned traveller's site, I question negative perceptions of them. Pretty Things: In a refuge I stayed in as a child, I sit and watch three women tattoo each other's hands using a biro and heated compass point. Another woman enters, and I become transfixed by her. The Queue: While waiting to cash a cheque, I imagine those in the queue as a gang committing a bank job. Dear Mr Hales: A sarcastic letter to the BBC regarding non-payment of my TV license.
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